Various Happenstances of SethNovember 13, 2005I'm not feeling the NaNoWriMotivation.* But I'm also not going to write a long post here, so I'll simply post the halftime show that I wrote (with help! Not all credit is mine!) for Homecoming this year, and read 12 hours ago: Homecoming 2005 Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Welcome - to the 2005 Homecoming Halftime Extravaganza, featuring the inexplicably powerful Ramblin', Scramblin', Spell-castin', Sandblastin', Song-chantin', Constantly-rantin', Wand-wavin', Day-savin', chocolate-chompin', Willow-whompin', Mucho Macho Moocow Military Precision Regimental Marching Band and League of Wizards, under the directorship of Katy "Hermoine" Deiber, Nick "Scabbers" Yates, and Matt "Jenkindore" Jenkins. On a cold November day, just like today, only more dramatic, the students at CowWarts Band of Witchcraft and Wizardry were sorted by the Sorting Silly Hat. People who were brave enough to strike percussion instruments with valor and with might (or at least really loudly) were sent to the House of Dorr Griffin. Students who had large lung capacity were sent to Huff-and-Puff House. The kazooists and strings, with their unconventional approach to band-itry, were sent to the House of Ravin’Mad, which was known for its Spartan construction and was thus often called Stark Ravin’ Mad. And as for the fourth house, well they never even attended band practice, leading the band’s director to exclaim “Where are those Slytherin’ Idiots?” Albus Jenkindore, wise and fearless leader of the Band, called the band forward one day to tell them of an ancient artifact. “The fiery goblet,” said Jenkin-dore, “which has the power to sear flesh, and is thus known as the Sears Cup, has fallen for the ninth time in the last ten years into the hands of Lord VoldeMorty.” The Cup of Sears was stored deep in the bowels of Stetson, guarded by the three-headed Minotaur, Fluffy. The Band went to seek it there, amidst a confusing labyrinth of moving staircases and spooky thematic music. The band, in its Spooky Staircase Formation, will now play the “Theme from Harry Potter.” [Band plays “Harry Potter” in Staircase.] While searching through Stetson, the Band wondered at the actions of Headmaster Morty the Wise, who had only recently taken to calling himself “Lord VoldeMorty.” He seemed not to be himself of late, almost as if he were being controlled from afar by another more sinister power. This became even more apparent when the band spied VoldeMorty sneaking out of Stetson with the Sears Cup, and packing as much of the school library as he could fit into his trunk, before driving off to the East. Clearly it was necessary to save the world by pursuing VoldeMorty, but first, the band had to perform its halftime show at the annual HogWilliams Quidditch match. The band in its “Gratuitous Flying Quidditch Broom in Spite of the Fact that the Villain Is Getting Away Formation”, will now play “Gonna Fly Now.” [Band plays “Gonna Fly Now” in Broom Formation.] After the Obligatory Quidditch match was over, the band jumped in its Flying Tour Bus to follow the Cup of Sears and its abductor. The band soon arrived in the foul realm of AmHerst, a land blanketed with evil (and smallpox). There they discovered that VoldeMorty was being controlled by none other than the Dark Wizard Lord Jeff-demort. Gasp! Luckily, the band took out its Cheer Sheet and chanted the Ancient Enchantment Override Spell, [Band turns and chants from field: “US News! US News! We're on top in US News!”] Morty the Wise suddenly remembered what was truly important, and was thusly released from the grip of Lord Jeff-demort. However, Jeff-demort simply laughed: “Ha. How will you defeat me with no instruments?” But at Morty’s signal, the band waved a drumstick and shouted “Accio Sousaphone.” The sousaphone came flying through the air and landed such that its bell completely enveloped the evil Lord Jeff-demort. The band, in its Crushing Bell of Victory Formation, will now play “The Liberty Bell March.” [Band plays Liberty Bell March in Bell Formation.] Having saved the day in an extremely predictable fashion, the Band returned to the Purple Valley. Albus Jenkin-dore proclaimed a celebratory feast called Harvest Dinner, complete with Every-Flavor Lobster, and the band sat down to a well-deserved repast in the Glory and Splendor Known Only as the Mountains. [Band plays Mountains in Mountains.]
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*Actually, the problem with my novel is similar to the problem with my life; I have no idea what the main character should do next. All work on these pages is copyright Seth Brown. If you are sharing it, please give attribution. If you want to reprint it, please contact me first. |