The Pun Also Rises(as seen in the North Adams Transcript)
"Open Letter To My Aunt"Dear Aunt B, It was lovely to see you last weekend. I had a great time, and I hope you didn't take what I said too seriously. When I was saying that women shouldn't be allowed to drive because it's like letting a monkey fly a plane, I was quoting a comedian named Borat, with whom you may not be familiar. This is also why I was talking in a funny accent. Well, one of them. The other funny accent was entirely me, and it was sort of a combination of british, australian, russian, and old person, which I know isn't really a nationality or country, but if it was, I definitely wouldn't want to live there. Anyway, you can ignore most of what I said, and I certainly don't think that your dogs are actually dumber than your refrigerator, although you must admit that they aren't as good at keeping breakfast cold. Speaking of breakfast, I'm sorry about the creamed herring and onions. I hadn't had creamed herring in a long time, which is why I ate some for lunch and dinner and a midnight snack and breakfast. Because it's white, I didn't realize there was still herring on the knife when I used the cream cheese. But I'm sure anyone using cream cheese won't mind herring on their bagel, right? No point carping about it. On the other hand, I can understand you being upset about the herring on your computer, and I apologize for that, but your dog surprised me while I was trying to balance the plate of herring in one hand while using the mouse. In my defense, a refrigerator never would have attacked me like that. I'm just mentioning that. Anyway, most of the herring came out, and you have to admit that it's sort of funny that the "insert" key got covered with herring. It's like, insert herring! Too bad I didn't have more Ctrl. In case you didn't understand that joke, Ctrl is short for "control", it's one of the keys on the keyboard. I know you aren't too computer savvy, so I wanted to explain it just in case. And it's okay that you're not really good with computers; I was happy to help you set up your account. I hope you don't mind too much that I added the extra line to your address, but when I'm doing favors for people, I have to keep myself amused. Anyway, that's why you got the printer cartridges in a package addressed to "Luddite Incorporated". I think it's pretty funny. And it's not just me -- you even told me that the tech guy was amused when he came to help you install the printer cartridges and saw "Luddite Incorporated" on the label. Don't think of it as people laughing at you, think of it as people laughing near you. I'm sorry that you keep getting emails addressed to "Luddite Incorporated", but once the name no longer fits, you'll know how to change it, right? Besides, the important thing is that I changed your computer wallpaper to a picture of your dog. You should know that I strongly considered changing it to a picture of your refrigerator instead, but I couldn't find one. I'm not trying to make comparisons, I just personally prefer refrigerators. Not that I think people need two refrigerators, but I don't think people need two dogs either. You probably think I'm barking up the wrong tree. I like computers, you like people. I like refrigerators, you like dogs. But I want to reach out and share things that we have in common. For example, I know that you are politically very liberal. You'd be pleased to know that a guy in my town is trying to get a resolution passed to impeach George W. Bush. He's planning to present an argument to the North Adams City Council on Tuesday October 24th, and if you're interested, you can even email him at ebuddington@wesleyan.edu. Why don't I email him? Well, I won't be there. I'll be busy playing fetch, with my refrigerator. Now where did I leave my herring? Love, ___________________________________ All work on this page is copyright Seth Brown. If you are sharing it, please give attribution. If you want to reprint it, please contact me first. |