The Pun Also Rises

"BRTA: Best Read These Acronyms"

    I didn't ride a bus yesterday.

    I attempted to ride a bus, but I was unsuccessful. There are various reasons for this, and numerous people have told me that instead of trying to get on the bus, I should have tried to get in the bus. I will keep that in mind for next time. But meanwhile, I'd like to take a moment to reflect on our region's bus system.

    If you've lived in the Berkshires for any length of time, you may think that BRTA stands for Berkshire Regional Transit Authority. Even if this were correct, which I will not confirm or deny, it's not very descriptive of the true nature of the buses. I think BRTA could stand for a number of other things. For example:

    Bouncy Ride, Thrown Around -- This doesn't happen on the big buses very much, but if you get stuck on a little bus, you'll notice two main differences. 1) Your bus is smaller - that's why it's called a little bus. And 2) There are seatbelts. Seatbelts are there for a reason; consider using them. This has little to do with the drivers, who are perfectly good at what they do, but just with the nature of the little bus itself. Not that it really matters. Once you're on a BRTA bus, there's very little to worry about, except for:

    Bringing Riders To Anywhere -- The buses will drop you off anywhere along their route. This is extremely convenient if you're going somewhere that isn't a regular stop, especially if you're carrying groceries. It's slightly less convenient when the other riders on the bus all decide to get off at 50-yard intervals, such that the bus stops every 15 seconds.

    The bus will also pick riders up from anywhere. If you want to catch a bus, it's great to know that you don't have to walk all the way to a bus stop. You can just pick it up anywhere along the route. The only problem is:

    Bus Route Times Approximate -- The buses may start on time at the beginning of the day. I wouldn't know, because I'm not up that early. But by the afternoon, things are bound to be a few minutes late. This isn't too much of a problem unless, like yesterday, it's sort of cold out. In which case you will say:

    Brrr... Respectable Temperatures Avoided -- Waiting outside for ten minutes is more fun in fall than in winter. Still, a few minutes is no big deal. Unless one of the buses doesn't show up at all, and the ten minutes stretches into twenty, and then forty, and you find yourself saying:

    Buses: Rarely They Arrive -- After 56 minutes at a bus stop yesterday, no bus had come. I was beginning to abandon hope. Sure, I was wearing a cloak of invisibility, but that's no reason for a bus not to come by and see me and drive me to where I want to go. Especially because it was near noon on a weekday. It's important to catch them at mid-day because:

    Bus Running Times Abridged -- The buses don't run on Sundays, or Holidays, or at night. This has the unfortunate side effect that you can quite often get to where you want to go, but can't really get back. I think a midnight bus would be a great idea, but I'm no Authority. All I know is, whether it's a Sunday, or a weekday like yesterday when no bus showed up, I often conclude:

    Bus Removed. Taxi Again. -- The worst part is, the taxi is much more expensive than the bus. In fact, it's when I take the taxi that I start to appreciate the public transit when it does work. Even if they did recently raise their prices, it's still a vital service for people who don't own a car.

    Berkshires: Really Trying, Anyway -- Sure, they don't run as often or as cheaply as a big city's reliable transportation. But there aren't really big cities in the Berkshires, so at least we have something. Yes, there are numerous flaws in our public transport system, but when the whole thing is taken into consideration, even its worst detractors must admit:

    Beats Running To Adams.

____________________

    Seth Brown is a local humor writer who offers this advice: Brother, Reward The Author. His website is www.RisingPun.com

All work on this page is copyright Seth Brown. If you are sharing it, please give attribution. If you want to reprint it, please contact me first.