The Pun Also Rises

"Pranks for the Memories"

    As you're probably aware, today is April Fools Day. And every year on this day, there is a tradition of celebrating by fooling people. For example, by now, there's a decent chance that you've had to stop and say to yourself, "Wait, is today April already? I thought today was still March." Well, it is. I was attempting to fool you, albeit quickly and fairly artlessly.

    The thing about a good April Fool's joke is that the payoff is usually directly proportional to the amount of effort involved. The simplest type of April Fool is the lie. This is the level that children usually fool at. It requires no preparation, no materials, and only a few seconds to state something that is not the case.

"Oh, your CD? I accidentally recorded over it."
"But that CD was my favorite!"
"April Fools!"

    You can use the same kind of jokes with your children:

    "Timmy, I think you're old enough now for us to tell you that you're adopted. But we still love you."

    Then just when the tears start to well up in their eyes, you can yell, "April Fools!" Just be sure to explain that you're fooling about the adopted part and not the love part.

    Still, the quick lie is a meager sort of April Fool. The true greatness of April Fools comes in the prank. My favorite prank story of all time involved a college student who spent each summer day dressing in black and white, walking onto the college football field, blowing a whistle, and scattering birdseed. In this way, he trained the birds to come for food at the sound of the whistle. At the start of the college football season, the referee blew the whistle, and a huge flock of birds descended on the field and delayed play for twenty minutes.

    This is a good April Fools story for two reasons. First of all, it shows that the more effort you put into a prank, the funnier the end result is. And secondly, it shows that anyone can be fooled, for although the story has been told thousands of times, there exists no proof that it ever happened. What it does prove, however, is that people love a good prank story. Since April Fools Day is on Sunday (honest!), here are a few simple ideas for pranks you can play.

    For Beginners:

• Take a toy spaceship fighter and bring it to church. Tell the priest that you thought of a way to make more space for the pews. When he asks you how, bring out the spaceship and fire the lasers. "Pew! Pew! Pew!"
  
  
• Call up Barnes&Noble. Ask them, "Do you have Fountainhead?" When they say yes, say, "Is it uncomfortable to have all that water coming out your ears?"

    
Advanced:

• Go to Papa Gino's with a cell phone, sit down, and quietly call Village Pizza to order a delivery. Buy soda for your table from Papa Gino's, while talking loudly about how much you love their soda. When your delivery arrives, eat your pizza as if everything was normal.
  
  
• Sneak into work and set all of the computers backwards one day. When everyone comes in on Monday, play pranks on them and yell "April Fools!"

    
For Experts Only:

• Steal all of your mom's socks and shoes, and replace them with black and white striped socks and ruby slippers. Hide all of her dresses except for the black ones. Replace her rouge with green facepaint. Tape a broom to her back when she's not looking. Late in the afternoon, run outside, ring the doorbell, then run back in and tell your mom that a "Ms. Gale" wants to see her. Pay attention, because the timing on this last part is crucial: Just when your mom walks out the door to look, drop a house on her.

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Seth Brown is an 87-year old financial writer from Japan whose column "A Yen For Business" appears on Fridays in the Shabu Shabu Times. April Fools! His website is www.RisingPun.com.

   All work on this page is copyright Seth Brown. If you are sharing it, please give attribution. If you want to reprint it, please contact me first.