Or technically, Last Day In May Day!

It’s been an interesting month, with some good things, and various unfortunate events.* I did a lot of editing on the projects I was working on in April. The good news is that I can now add Fodor’s Travel Guides to the list of places for which I have written reviews, and I should have my next book about Rhode Island coming out before the end of the year.

Due to aforementioned unfortunate events, we’ve had very little gaming, although I expect that to change quite a bit in June. And the other bad news is that in spite of now having two fancy microphones thanks to the generosity of others, I can get neither of them to actually record without static on my computer. Which, now that I have finished my most recent editing commitments and have free time again, is becoming an issue. The answer may be that I just try to make some progress on doing things, and then record somewhere else if I have to.

Meanwhile, there’s still comedy. I am not only writing columns for posterity, but most recently wrote a column about what it’s like to write a joke. Which I’ve been thinking about because in addition to attending the occasional comedy open mic, I’m performing at the PAVE Chocolate Festival at the end of June, hosted by Rick Conety. It’s a family-friendly show, which means I can’t do any of my Rick Santorum jokes**. And while RBIT doesn’t seem to appear much in North County these days, we may have a few shows coming up at the Freightyard Pub on second Fridays. This, in combination with the first Thursday comedy open mic at Public, and the fourth Friday poetry slam at the Local, means it’s pretty easy to get out there and see me say ridiculous things, if that appeals to you.

*Life’s gifts have lately been lemony, and even a bit snicket.

**If your family isn’t politically homogenized, it’s possible that vulgarity and sex is more family-friendly than incisive political analysis. Which set of jokes is going to cause more tension in the car ride home?

Well, my nomination would be February. But as I explain in my most recent column, April is the Crewelist Month.

Still, this month has been somewhat cruel. My partner’s office closed down, resulting in dozens of people who lost their jobs, including her.* And I’ve been so busy with a freelance project that we’ve barely had any time to play board games at all — although I did attend PAX East in March, where I got to play Outpost (fun, although I still prefer Scepter of Zavandor), Innovation (still addictive), Quarriors (fun, but a bit too luck-based), and Legend of the Cipher (so fun, I’m joining the development team). And in April I got in a few rounds of Flash Duel, which I mean to review as soon as I can take some pictures of my first edition.

But I digress. I was talking about April showers of cruelty. They say it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But I will tell you that it’s much worse to have a false hope dangled in front of you and then pulled out from under your feet than not to have seen it at all.**

So, a few days ago I got an email from someone wanting to buy a banner ad on my blog. Two years ago I received a cold email from a random company wanting to buy a text ad, and said text ad is still atop my site (go click if you like online bingo, non-US readers!), and has brought me a few hundred dollars. So I figured a banner ad, though more intrusive, would bring more money which would be really handy roundabouts now. I suggested a price I thought was a touch high, and it was accepted without negotiation, to my surprised delight.

I looked at their instructions for putting up the banner ad, and it included instructions to install a WordPress plugin, which set off my Spidey-sense. So I Googled the name of the ad company and the word “scam”, and came across this blogpost, which confirmed that indeed this was spam/scam, and not the deus ex machinadvertisement I had initially hoped. And I mean, I know two weeks ago I wasn’t expecting that money at all, but it’s sure more cruel to have it appear and then disappear.

Speaking of cruelty, April is National Poetry Month, so I’m going to share one of the short poems I’ve been writing daily throughout April:

“Absolutely True Sonnet of the Afternoon Flash Game”

Thisafternoon I played an online game
Where players build a deck and PvP.
The first of our three rounds my foe did claim
And, poised to win the second, typed “GG”.

But then, I drew the cards to stay alive,
While his deck seemed to give him cards that suck.
And somehow, I had managed to survive,
He’d not, and said, “You had a lot of luck.”

Retorted I, “Your luck was in rare cards.”
Said he, “That wasn’t luck, I bought each rare.”
Said I, “Th’economy these days is hard,
If you can spend on flash games, your luck’s fair.”

Said he, “I’m well-employed, I must confess.”
Poor me, at least I’d had a lucky guess.

I ended up losing the third game. But at least I discovered a new alternative energy source, which is to hook a generator up to Shakespeare***, who is surely now turning in his grave.

*Her comment: “I’m just waiting for someone to ask me if I looked under the couch.” Yep, I’m still in love.

**It’s even worse than a horribly mixed metaphor where hope is suspended from the ceiling one minute and serving as a rug in the next. Hope: It’s a combination chandelier and carpet! It’s a floor wax! It’s a dessert topping!

All the stuff I was working on last post is now done. So that’s good. And now I have some inconvenient poetry for you. What does that mean? I’ll explain. Perhaps you’ve heard about the case at Cranston West, where a young student asked the school to take down a long-standing prayer banner, and a large kerfluffle ensued. Well, I wrote an epic limerick about this event, which was recently published in the Providence Journal. Unfortunately, Projo.com has recently removed their editorials from one-click access, so in order to read it you’ll need to go to the ProJo e-Edition, then go to the back issue for Sunday 2/12, and then jump to page B10.

If you like political poetry, I also wrote some sonnets about various pieces of legislation proposed in the past year. These are available in a single click at The Transcript, but will probably be taken down within a day or two, which is also inconvenient.*

Eventually I am going to do another boardgame review rap (which is a kind of poetry), but I have auctioned off the choice of next game, and the fellow who won chose some games I don’t have access to, so I am waiting for another friend who owns them to move back to town so playing said games will be convenient. In the meantime, I have put up a review of Homesteaders: Second Edition, which is a cool little auction game that avoids some common complaints/pitfalls of auction games.

And finally, it occurs to me that I have not written any new slam poetry in many months. Perhaps with my newfound free time, I should get around to finishing the poem I started a while ago. But I am no longer in the same mental space. How…inconvenient.

*If it’s any consolation, my more recent columns about Heroes and Valentine’s Day should be up for another week or two, respectively.

Seriously, you’re not.

My editor at the Transcript? He’s the boss of me, and I just finished a column for him so you can read my wisdom on things like The Secret of Happiness and The Republican Primaries.

My editor at the Eagle? She’s the boss of me, and today (well, technically yesterday) I finished an interview, which will be added to the restaurant review I have due this week.

My editor at Globe Pequot? She’s the boss of me, and it is for her that I have been working non-stop for the past few months, so I can get the draft of my next book in on deadline.

You? I didn’t promise you anything in exchange for money, so if some of my writing is going to be short-changed, guess where.

More here in February, I promise.

Dear Folk That Read This Blog,

Don’t skip down, lest your mind feel pain. Just read this news post. Okay, we’ve read that? Good. Let’s move down.

Well, this past time span ain’t been full with good. That item that Seth uses when link with webs, read mail, post upon this blog, pore over site then site, some with pics with cats, that item died. Well, more true, that hard disc died. Alas. Disc tray went bust long past, fans have gone bust more past, long tale less long, that item died. Done. Gone.

Here, Seth uses last such item from 2006, webs seem SLOW, plus chat won’t load. Lame. Also, Seth took some pics that were kept upon that item, game pics with plan that some time next week (okay, more like next year), Seth will post revs with them pics plus cool game info. Well, that plan will fail. Alas.

Seth must make more game revs. Some very cool game have been seen here this past time span, only Seth won’t post revs, Seth just wait. Seth must make game revs full with true fact. With some game, Seth have just done play with pair. Game have been cool with pair, true, only full revs want full true game play feel. That will mean play game with more folk than just this pair. Can’t post them game revs till then. (Come game with Seth!)

Okay. This week, we’ll have some cool revs with game that will just play with pair. Both this game ain’t from this year, ain’t from last year, only both game seem damn cool, thus Seth will post both link here. (Good news: Game revs link won’t just have post with four, will have full long word. Phew!)

Roma: This fast game does some cool work, uses dice plus many card. Folk roll dice, play dice onto card slot that fits pips, then uses that card. Dice also lets folk draw more card, plus draw coin. (Coin lets folk play more card into card slot.) Card will gain mark, kill foes, plus much more. Lose your last mark, lose game. Bank lose last mark, them with most mark wins.

Read full game revs with pics plus more long word upon game geek site: Roma!

Aton: This more deep game will also have more easy play rule. (Eery!) Folk draw card that will show solo, pair, trio, four. Folk play card onto slot that lets folk drop some disc onto some area, take some disc from some area, thus disc made gone. Play disc upon some spot will have more good than just lame area spot. Once four then four disc have been made gone, each area will give some good unto them that have more disc upon that area. More good spot will give more good.

Read full game revs with pics plus more long word upon game geek site: Aton!

Hope y’all have nice fest, then what tiny rest from 2011 ain’t gone. “Lest auld folk Seth knew fade from head then can’t come into mind, lest auld folk Seth knew fade from head, plus days with auld lang syne…”

Two things I love. And two things that, perhaps, some of my readers also love? I sure hope so.

In the Board Game arena, I have recently posted a review of Eminent Domain, which is a neat little game that combines mechanics from some of my favorite games like Race for the Galaxy, Dominion, and Glory to Rome. While not quite as addictive as its cousins, it’s still a very compelling game, and the fact that you have a lot more control over your hand and deck than the aforementioned games means that optimizing gamers will likely appreciate the possibilities.

In the Hip-Hop world, I believe I may have mentioned that Torrentz had released a (free!) new album called The Big Kahuna.* Here’s a pretty neat update: The Big Kahuna recently received an enthusiastically positive review in Wired. Granted, they gloss over my solo song “The Big Cheese”, but at least they mention my guest verse on “I Like Cookies”.

And if you take a venn diagram of the gaming circle and hip-hop circle, the entire chart (but especially the overlap) will appreciate** my latest crazy idea: A boardgame review done in the style of a freestyle rap:

Rappin\’ Reviews: Belfort

The freestyle was easy enough***, but it took forever to take pictures and put together the slideshow, so I’ll probably only do rap reviews occasionally and mostly stick with written reviews. Still, this was pretty fun to make. Also, Belfort is a pretty great game; as I mentioned in the review, everyone at my game night immediately appreciated the high-quality components and great theme, and continued appreciating the compelling mix between worker placement and area control.

Speaking of compelling mixes, I recently wrote a North Adams Mayoral Election Guide for my fair city, where I repeatedly mixed up the letters in each candidate’s name to reveal the truth about them through anagrams. Granted, this may be of less interest to those of you not in the Berkshires, but ANAGRAMS ARE FUN. That’s why I AM ARRANGE SNAFU.

*Which you should download. For free. There’s a link in the review.

**This is, perhaps, over-optimistic. Might appreciate? Will not immediately flee from?

***Notwithstanding the mispronounciations, the time I said “arves and dwelves”, and the few times I started to get off-topic.

Do you play “social games” like farmville or sims social or mobwars, etc.? If you’re playing Facebook games, or know someone who is, you really need to read my guide to efficient social gaming.

Naturally, a gamer like myself tends to look at everything as a game. For example: Life*. This week, we made delicious enchiladas and tortilla soup, and I got to see Weird Al in concert. And I performed at two improv shows. So I get a lot of points this week.

A few weeks ago I lost some points when About.com decided to let go all 72 of their Contributing Writers. I was one of those 72 writers, and had been writing about Board Games for them since early this year. So that was a bit disappointing. But I’m a gamer, so when I lose points, I look for solutions to gain more points. And thus I came to the decision that I should continue writing about boardgames**, since I enjoy reviewing games and feel that I am good at it.

Thus, in the coming months you will start seeing me post more about boardgame reviews right here on RisingPun.com. Or, at least linking to and discussing them here. I’ll be posting the full reviews on BGG, because that’s where most serious gamers are likely to look first for reviews. Today, I posted the very first review for the upcoming Puzzle Strike Upgrade Pack***. And I’ve got a few older reviews on there, for games like Power Grid: Factory Manager and World of Warcraft: the Boardgame. Those older reviews lacked photos, but going forward I’ll include photos in all my reviews.

I’ve also got a crazy idea for an experimental… well, maybe I won’t spoil it just yet. Suffice to say, my next post will have something bizarre that may or may not work.

* Yes, I know technically there is an old boardgame called “Life”. It is a terrible game with little volition where everyone has to follow the pre-determined path and pre-set milestones. People who treat real life like this oft end up miserable. One day I may write a book about this.

**Albeit, not About Boardgames.

***Short version: I didn’t realize Puzzle Strike needed an upgrade until I tried this, but now I wouldn’t want to play without it.

Let’s start with food*. Labor Day weekend was delightful for me because I got to eat tasty food with a variety of old friends. But the biggest food news this month is a new hip-hop album. Torrentz, the rap supergroup I sometimes work with, has released a food-themed album called The Big Kahuna. I’ve got verses on a couple songs. Every track on this album is food-related hip-hop, and the whole album is free to download. Which means if you don’t hate hip-hop and food, you should give it a listen to see if you like it.

Finances are tricky. Mine, naturally, remain sub-optimal**. But I wrote an epic limerick about the crumbling finances of America, which was recently published in the Providence Journal under the title of Debt Be Not Proud.

Still, I’m mostly trying to focus on having fun***. September is our annual Alphabetic Boardgaming Challenge, which we’re currently right in the middle of. By far my most anticipated gaming event of any year, and one of my favorite events of the year overall. For those of you wonder if having to write about games as a job has diminished my enjoyment of board gaming: Nope.

Speaking of fun, I’m still enjoying the other comedic stuff I’m doing. My most recent humor column was a Back to School Glossary for the young and old. And between working with my improv troupe and doing stand-up comedy, I have a number of performances coming up — including a fundraiser for some folks in Williamstown who were displaced from their homes due to Hurricane Irene and the associated flooding.

Sometimes it’s hard to write a good conclusion****.

* If I had a nickel for every time I said this, I’d be a wealthy man.

**** If I had a nickel for every time I said this,….

No, that’s not a typo. I don’t make tyops.* I’m talking about Woe. As in, Woe is Me. Or to explain more accurately, Mug of Woe, the hilarious new book of true embarrassing** stories, includes a story by yours truly. Also, their website has a spotlighted contributor each week, and this week it is me. So go take a look at the site for Mug of Woe, and if you’re looking for a “Chicken Poop for the Soul” sort of book, consider getting yourself a copy. (After you buy all of my books, if you don’t already own them. Priorities.)

Anyway, we’re now in August. I’ve always liked August, but I have to admit, August is a weird month. One of those months in the middle you sort of skip over in planning, because it’s neither summer nor fall. Well, I didn’t skip over it entirely. I played lots of board games. Yet more Scepter of Zavandor (a favorite), some Gates of Loyang, and some Nightfall. Speaking of boardgames, I am still writing both boardgame strategy and boardgame reviews.

But I’ll admit, I’m excited that we’re only one month away from the Fourth Annual Alphabetic Boardgaming Challenge. Related to gaming, but unrelated to boards, I just have to say the announced always-online requirement for Diablo III significantly reduces the chances I’ll end up buying the game at full price. When I play D2 and BNet keeps dropping me, I can still play single-player instead. Worthwhile purchase. Without that option… not so much. (RMAH, on the other hand, I do not care about.)

Also I like cheese. The other night my partner made dinner and told me, “Yo dawg, I heard you liked cheese, so I put some cheese on your cheese…” I am a lucky man.

*I like that this is one letter away from “tyoops”, which makes me think someone is in the middle of typing a quick thank-you to someone when they accidentally knock a pile of papers off their desk.

***I would prefer an Otto-spell-checker, wherein a German man with a big bushy moustache looks over my shoulder and points to each mistake and says, “Das ist wronk!” (I am presuming that “wronk” is German for “wrong”, based on my knowledge of German that comes from bad action films.)

Heaven and Hell are on my mind tonight, like the angel and devil that sit over my shoulders and tell me to do things. Actually, angel and devil aren’t quite right. It’s more like the productivity cheerleader over one shoulder, and the other shoulder has a guy who just wants to watch Daily Show episodes online and play old video games*.

Also, I might be thinking of Heaven and Hell because today (July 31, 2011) is the scheduled date of the apocalypse, according to some very scientific calculations that I made up in a column titled Apocalypse Soon. Some say the world will end in ice, some in fire**, and if it ends in fire, you’ll want my tips for staying cool.

But the main reason I’m thinking of Heaven and Hell is because I experienced them both this weekend.

Friday was Comedy Heaven. Performing locally just a few minutes from home, my improv troupe and I put on a fabulous show, culminating in an incredible musical nightmare scene where a teddy bear came to life, poisoned the dog, revealed itself as a demon, and was killed by earl grey. And then I had a 10-minute set during the stand-up portion that went very well, everyone laughing at all of my jokes.

Saturday was Comedy Hell. As the opening act, I had 15 minutes of material prepared. I arrived at the (farther afield) venue to find the headliner had an emergency, and I was the whole show. I did 15-20 minutes of surefire material, and the audience was dead like Jerry Garcia. The only thing they’d responded to was my rap, so after a brief intermission, I came back and did a lot of freestyle rapping, but even that did not impress them. An hour after I’d stepped on stage, I’d exhausted all my material and my voice, and judging from audience reaction you wouldn’t think I’d outperformed the salad.***

I think any comedian has stories of comedy heavens and comedy hells. I sure hope to get more heaven stories soon. But I guess I better hurry up; I hear the apocalypse is today.

*Like Diablo2, while I wait for Diablo3 to come out. Oh, Diablo… maybe it is a devil on that shoulder.

***To be fair, burlesque is always popular, so people like to watch salad dressing.