Okay, I’m probably never going to be bad-ass enough to be thought of as a renegade. But this week is my best shot. I reviewed a book for the USA Today called Career Renegade, about quitting your job and doing what you love. And hey, it sort of resonates.

Meanwhile, my column rails against the very popular Facebook, because we renegades rail against things that are popular. And things that it’s popular to rail against, like the bible? That we re-write in rhyme.

Because after all, we know that rhyming is the province of renegades.* Only a bad-ass gangster would bring you the News In Rap, right? And only a 1960s renegade beatnik refugee would be planning to perform at a poetry slam this Thursday, which you can see by showing up at The Alley on Thursday night around 8ish.

And now it’s time for the big renegade move: Ice Cream For Lunch. Yes, rebellion can be delicious.

*Roses are red, Violets are blue,
Renegades often ignore the rules of rhyming.**

**But not when you expect them to.
(To rebel in season is not to rebel, suckas!)

Well, I’m back from my week-long sojourn in Western lands. It rained for at least half of the time I was in California, which was sub-optimal. Still, it was a pretty good vacation, and I even wrote a column about it. The column doesn’t mention that I went back to Chinatown and got steamed BBQ pork buns from as many bakeries as I could. So tasty; I may have to learn how to make them.

In other news that transpired while I was away, some people in India are working on a new soft drink that sounds udderly ridiculous. Don’t believe me? Read my other column.

Last night was our improv show at the Barrington Stage Company in Pittsfield. Although a concurrent  local comedy show stole some of our crowd (our previous show there was nearly a full house), I still thought it went quite well. We debuted a new game I invented called “Rap Psychiatrist”, where I am a rapping psychiatrist who helps other troupe members with their (audience-suggested) mental issues. I think it went quite well, and once the other folks in the troupe get better at rapping, I think it will quickly become one of our most popular games.

Finally, people sometimes ask me why I play board games all the time, and why I’m happy all the time. Well, the answers may be linked.

Well, the good news is that I am feeling healthy again. If you want to know more about why I might have been sick, feel free to read Friday’s column. There has been a lot of illness going around, though. Many friends of mine have been feeling under the weather.* I’m just glad I’m getting better before my upcoming Horace Greely-inspired** journey.

Things here, meanwhile, have been entertaining. I’ve been focusing less on my rapping, and more on my poetry*** and comedy. And of course, by “focusing”, I mean “paying attention to for the hour a day when I’m not playing games”. But my constant gaming is to your benefit: Here’s a new guide for how you can become a better Settlers of Catan player.

Meanwhile, if you happen to be near Pittsfield on the evening Saturday, March 7th, I believe there will be an improv show for you to catch.

*Then again, if they were over the weather, they’d be gods.

**I looked up the quote to check, and apparently the original quote is by John Soule. But Greely was the man who popularized it, and so I maintain that is by him that the journey is inspired. If you disagree, Go Soak Your Head, Young Man.

***Monthly local poetry slams have started up again. I wrote a new poem for the last one. It won.

Literally. Although the day started out quite promisingly, I spent the evening and all of today being very ill. I’m hoping that I recover soon, as I’m supposed to go do some stand-up comedy in Pittsfield later this week. And then in April, I’ll be doing some stand-up in Rhode Island. I’m trying to separate my comedy from my rapping a bit more, so I’m going to try to do these two shows with no rapping. Although one of these days, I’d love to do a rap-only show. Yo.

Anyway, Valentine’s Day may be a hateful thing, but I’ve still got my column for you, so that’s good. There was going to be something funny in this post, but I’m too ill to remember it, so I think I’m going to step away from the computer now.

My Groundhog Day column comes a bit after Groundhog Day. To make up for that, next week I trust my Valentine’s Day column will be out the day before Valentine’s Day. Which, coincidentally, is Friday the 13th. And if you’re looking to celebrate Friday the 13th, you could either put on a hockey mask and buy a chainsaw, or you could come out to the RBIT show. The Royal Berkshire Improv Troupe will be appearing at the Main Street Stage in North Adams at 8pm, and for a mere $5 cover charge, hilarity could be yours. C’mon, it’s Friday the 13th, February, and near Valentine’s Day. You NEED some hilarity.

Actually, if you were the type of person who plays a lot of video games, there’s a new video game humor site that recently launched, called Gameist.com. And the reason I know this is because I’ve written a few articles for them, and hope to write a few more. The site is very video game focused, so if you like video games, you should go read my articles there. Conversely, if you hate video games, don’t bother following that link. You’d be better off just listening to the newest episode of News In Rap.

But not so much toil, and not so much trouble.

It’s been a good week for double things. My column from last week about the decline of the newspaper industry got bumped to this week, so along with today’s column about dinosaurs, it was a two-column week.

Speaking of columns*, this week I finished reading The Pillars of the Earth, by Ken Follett, and thus freed myself to finally open and play my Pillars of the Earth board game. I had been avoiding it because I was worried about spoilers. Yes, from a board game. I hate spoilers. Unless it’s the Red Sox in a World Series. Anyway, double Pillars: a capital idea.

This week was also a delicious week, because we made a double-batch of Moussaka, thus guaranteeing a lunch of delicious leftovers for days. This pleases me greatly. If you have not had Moussaka, then you are missing out. I think I’d even recommend Moussaka over Rattattouie, if you are looking for a dish that is not made from rodents but is spelled like it might be.**

And finally, if you are not familiar with the work of fantasy author Margaret Ronald, you have the double good fortune of being able to read her newest short story, and being able to purchase her just-released novel, which I recommend.

*How ionic.

**See also: Vermicelli.

Last week my improv troupe had two performances in South County. During the Saturday performance at Barrington Stage, there was a game of Quotes* where I was playing a mad scientist**. For this reason, with no other prompting, I decided to threaten my enemy with a giant gorilla robot. Sadly, my invention was not perfected, and the robot stalled out and did not attack. A minute later in the scene, my partner picks up a quote and reads “Get your stinkin’ paws off me, you damned dirty ape.” Needless to say, I was overjoyed to have proof that my evil gorilla robot was functioning after all.

Note to self: Never try to describe improv to people who weren’t there.

In other news, my column is about board games, my freestyle rapping is about the news, my friend’s new fantasy short story is about Odin’s ravens, my rhyming version of the Torah is about due for a shot at publication, and my bedtime is about now.

*Quotes is a game where we get our audience to write random lines of dialog on scraps of paper before the show. These papers are folded and not looked at. During the scene, actors will pull out random quotes from the audience, read them, and work them into the scene.

**Yes, I know, typecasting.

Hello, new year! I greet you with open arms*! I enjoyed last year quite a bit, so I’d like to sign up for more of the same. That’s why we’ll start off the new year right with a column about infinite food, millions of wasted dollars, and clean plates.

I know, you’re thinking, “Surely you won’t manage a whole post without talking about board games?” Well, you’re right.**  Some of you know that I recently got yet another shipment of board games. Among them was Android: an epic adventure game with a much bigger rulebook than any other game I own. This is also the first boardgame for which I’ve seen a truly compelling trailer, which is linked in my review, which you should go read.

Man, that’s enough whiches to start a coven.

*To hug you. Also with open mouth, to eat your tasty food.

**And quit calling me Shirley.

And what better way to celebrate than my Day After Christmas column?  Well, sure, you could catch up on God To Verse, or News In Rap, but why not do all three?

I enjoyed a wonderful Christmas, playing board games all day, then out for traditional Chinese buffet with some artist friends, some gaming friends, and some girlfriend. Said girlfriend and I then came home to watch Police Squad and play more board games, which is pretty much a perfect evening. If you’d like to learn more about gaming with your partner, why not read my new article about that?

Also, I’m always surprised when the Chinese restaurants have Christmas music playing on Christmas. I asked them to either turn it off or switch to something more traditional Chinese, because most people going to Chinese restaurants on Christmas? Really don’t need any more Christmas music right now, thanks. Anyway, Christmas is over, so there’s the Chanukah party tomorrow, and then New Years festivities for the next week. Now that’s how you ring out a year.

Well, all the winter holidays are here, so what better way to celebrate than reading my column about your holiday horoscope? I’ve been having a grand time, attended a Solstice party tonight, performed at a holiday revue (did I mention I enjoy revue-ing?), and am looking forward to playing lots of board games over the next week, followed by hosting a number of old friends, the usual New Years parties, copious amounts of tasty food, and so forth.

For once, I may enter the new year hoping that it mirrors the old one for me, because I’ve really enjoyed 2008. But I get ahead of myself. We’re still in the tail end of this year, so I hope you all enjoy the holiday season, whatever holiday you celebrate. Including empty set. Which sounds like a weird holiday where people give each other matching gift-wrapped boxes containing nothing. Or maybe that’s Buddhist Christmas. Although that’d probably be one with everything, not nothing. I guess they’re linked, but Buddhist philosophy may not be the ideal topic for a humorous blog. I just mention it now and zen.

Also, there’s a new News in Rap posted.