I know, I’m slightly behind on my blogging and am very late wishing you a Happy New Year. By now your resolutions may have already failed, but don’t have FOMO, let me tell you about JOMO. Besides, while I’m very late for January, I’m only slightly late in wishing you a Happy Year of the Pig! It’s never too late for new beginnings.

Was just reading something online by a woman who sold her first book at age 59. So if you’re not yet 60, there’s every reason to believe that you have a wonderful exciting life ahead of you. And if you’re over 60, then it’s too late and you are doomed.

Kidding! In addition to the local poetry mics I attend, I occasionally still perform at events hosted by WordXWord, a wonderful organization. And one of my favorite poets who performs at those events is an octogenarian*, whose poetry I have enjoyed since he was a young septuagenarian. So what if it’s already February, or if you’re already old. It’s never too late to do something you find meaningful.**

*I think if you’re an octogenarian, you should always be able to show up and be considered in theme for 80’s parties.

**I mean, until you’re dead, at which point it definitely is too late. So I recommend trying to avoid death, and that way your options will remain open.

Hey, if you’re not a terrible person, you deserve a Bare Minimum Human Decency Award! And if you are a terrible person, my other recent column has terrible puns.

Had another local comedy show where I performed last week, but more exciting was traveling to see the hilarious Emo Philips live for the first time*. And he was ostensibly going to greet fans after the show, but there was a wait before he emerged from backstage, and the venue was full, and my partner wanted to go home, so we left. And it also left me thinking: Why do I care if I meet a celebrity who will never remember me? And why was I so excited months ago when Emo liked a joke I made in a comment?

And I think the answer is love. For the first two decades** of my life, I viewed love largely as a spiderweb of one-way arrows, because I had a crush on a girl at my highschool who had no interest in me, but was very interested in my friend, who in turn had no interest in her but wanted some other guy, etc. Mutual affection was the elusive grand and glorious prize.

Years later, a number of us are fortunate enough to have mutual affection. But less common is a mutual admiration of craft. If you ask people who they love the most, you’ll likely find a lot of reciprocal listings. But ask people who they think is the most brilliant comedian or the best writer, and if you’re not asking celebrities or a professional cabal, you’re likely to find mostly one-way arrows. People scoff and pooh-pooh mutual admiration societies****, but to me, this has always been the great allure of celebrity: The idea that the people you think are great might think you are great also.

* I mean, he was living before, but previously I only got to enjoy his work via a screen.

** aka the worst two decades***

*** aka the thirst two decades, aka the cursed two decades, aka rhymes burst through decades help i like rhyming too much

**** “You are a handsome bear, would you like some hunny?” “Why yes thank you, and your crop-top red shirt is lovely.”

This week is our annual Alphabetic Boardgaming Challenge, so I’ve been playing a lot of games ranging from A to Z.* 11 years in, I realize not for the first time what a glorious and yet simple thing it is to spend time doing what you enjoy, with people whose company you enjoy. Sure, for a writer that often means sitting alone and writing about how I hate throwing things out, but that’s valuable too.

This Friday I’m doing a benefit comedy show to raise money for the local teen center, where I’ll be giving a dramatic reading of a few of my columns in addition to doing some stand-up. This is a rarity for me, and promises to be a good time.** So if you’re local and have no Friday plans, come enjoy yourself for a good cause!***

*Or technically A to X so far — Yspahan and Zepter von Zavandor** still to come tomorrow.

***Although as I’ve tried to explain above, enjoying yourself is a good cause too.

I am pleased to report that Punslingers – the new musical I co-wrote with Sam Hammersley for this year’s Orlando Fringe Festival – received numerous awards including Patron’s Pick and Best Original Lyrics/Book. It was a pretty spectacular show, and I hope it might yet go further one day.

While Sam raps fairly frequently around Orlando, I rarely have rap engagements around here, which is why I am excited that I have been booked for this year’s Downstreet Art Festival in North Adams. If you’re around on the last Thursday of a summer month, pop over to Main Street and catch me doing a half-hour of freestyle rap.

Meanwhile, in what I can only call a completely unintentional theme, both of my columns this month ended up being about Ancient Rome. The first was my response to a thousand articles blaming Millenials for the demise of everything, and was titled “The Problem With Centurions“. More recently, you may have heard about the production of Julius Caesar that featured a Trump-like figure, and the surrounding controversy. My own response was a Shakespearean monologue which starts with the classic three words: “Friends, Romans, Countrymen“.

Also, sushi remains delicious, and half-price sushi doubly so.

The past month and a half were fairly exciting for me. I got to participate in the annual WordXWord Festival, as a finalist in both the Poetry Slam and Story Slam. And then I got to open for comedian Solomon Georgio, with a set that was very well received by a pretty good crowd. All of that was a very exciting two weeks of performances.

On the boardgame front, earlier this month was my annual Alphabetic Boardgame Challenge, where I play 26 boardgames with Debbie over the course of a few days. I have new reviews up for Le Havre: Inland Port (A 2p mini-Le Havre) and Isle of Skye (which is probably the best new tile-placement game since at least Vikings, if not ever.)

On a walk this evening, I passed a couple swearing at each other, as happens all too often. My emotions went from irritation to sadness to pity. So I decided to make a BLT when I got home, and that improved my day. If you’re wondering who deserves the credit for that, I refer you to my column about the Earl of Sandwich.

This post’s title is my favorite clue that I gave in my most recent game of Train of Thought, the party board game I oft describe as “Taboo for smart people”. It remains one of my favorite games to bring to gatherings. As for newer board games, my most recent review is of a game about putting together a newspaper called Extra Extra. The print newspaper industry may be dying, but at least it’s an interesting theme for a boardgame.

I could tell you about recent columns on topics like marriage equality and vegetables, but I’d rather share with you this random verse I wrote. A friend had linked to an article about Marvel’s hip-hop covers, suggesting that heroes battle rap instead. I was amused by the idea, and found myself inspired to write a quick 16 from Iron Man dissing Captain America:

Awwww snap, it’s a rap where Cap gets capped.
I put on my Hulkbuster suit to give daps,
That is a testament to my genius,
Both for invest-a-ment and science, I mean this.
Seen this billionaire,
Fillin’ the air, killin’ it there,
Willing to share my wealth and power;
Built the Avengers their whole fuckin’ Tower.

You? I already told ya,
Unfrozen Caveman Soldier,
Hold yourself as morally superior?
Guess I’ll have to kick your posterior.
You’re inferior to my tech.
Without your serum, you’d get no respect,
So protect ya neck, and you best believe,
I’m a Stark; Winter is coming, Steve.

I’ve been getting a lot of spam comments lately, for reasons unbeknownst* to me.

My Comedy Open Mics have been moved to Third Thursdays**, which means the next one is a lot sooner than I’d expected — June 18th! Anyone who enjoys seeing free live comedy, or attempting live comedy, or cafes that sell tasty food and drink, should come join us at 7pm at the Parlor Cafe on that date.

Life has been very good lately. I say this not to boast, but to encourage/remind people that if you spend a lot of time laughing in good company, that can end up matter more than whatever little negatives may occur. So if you can’t attend my comedy nights, I encourage you to find free comedy near you — or more importantly, funny people whose company you enjoy!

Meanwhile, my most recent column has even more puns than usual.

*Does anyone ever use the word “knownst”? I think I’ve only ever seen it in Spaceballs.

**Or as we call them in the portmanteau business, “Thirdsdays”

Yep, it’s National Poetry Month. I am once again taking the 30/30 Challenge to write a poem a day all month long. If that’s not enough poetry for you, you can read my newsman’s ode to the esteemed Dr. Seuss in a column I call Headline Seuss. And later this month I’ll be giving a presentation on From God To Verse through a local Jewish group. National poetry month is the perfect time to buy my rhyming translation of the Torah/Pentateuch.

The other day Debbie made lamb and potatoes, which was delicious. I love potatoes cooked in lamb fat, which I have affectionately termed “lambtaters”, which* in turn led me to wonder what a good example of a lambtater would be. Muttonleany?

My 4th Thursday Comedy Open Mic nights continue at the Parlor Cafe; anyone who finds themselves local during the appropriate time should stop by for free laughs and reasonably priced food and drink. Non-locals can content themselves with my ranting in written form. Last month the Williams Alumni Fund sent me half a dozen emails of solicitation within a 2-week period, prompting me to write this column about The Alumni Fund. If that sounds too bitter, maybe I just need some Hobbies**.

And I have finally started using Twitter. Don’t worry though, I’m not really joining the 21st century, I still don’t have a cell phone or ipad or car or anything like that. I recently joined a local boardgaming meetup group, so I’ll just be hanging out doing some old-fashioned analog Luddite gaming***

*When shall we three meet again?

***Amish pair o’ dice.

In my latest column, I break the law!

Newest boardgame review: Patchwork – a short game by Uwe Rosenberg

Twice this month, I have been carrying too many things, and dropped some food on the ground. In each case, I felt the food beginning to fall, and had plenty of time to make a grab for it and prevent it from hitting the floor. And unlike the many times this has happened in the past, this month I’ve been doing something brilliant:

Nothing.

See, in the past, I’ve lunged for the falling food and managed to save it, at the expense of spilling water everywhere or dropping the other messier food I was holding. This month, I’ve held onto my water and let the cheese hit the floor. And watched the tortillas fall while standing calmly with eggs in my hands. Progress.

I’d love to say that my conclusion was reached through introspection and analysis, but in fact it was after seeing two friends post much the same thing — one about LiveJournal and one about Facebook — that I realized it applied to my blogging here as well. And that thing is this: When you don’t post for a while, you feel like rather than just making a normal post, you have to account for all the time between now and your last post. And this is ridiculous, because it ends up making every post like a Christmas Letter, and not the good kind from your grandparents or uncle where you shake it and money falls out*, but the crappy kind where someone you don’t talk to very often feels the need to give you an uninteresting laundry list of events rather than going into interesting detail on any one specific event.

So sure, I should very briefly mention my latest boardgame review (Murano!) or my latest column (New Ears Resolutions!), but taking my last post as a leaping off point, henceforth my posts will focus on whatever is currently on my mind, rather than trying to summarize the past X weeks**.

Man, I should have had something on my mind before typing that last sentence, huh? Well, tonight I was frying up some Gringo Migas, and it occurred to me that waiting for things to fry has a lot of downtime with which I could be more efficient. So I decided to multi-task, and managed to wash the dishes *and* burn my food at the same time. Hooray, efficiency!

*Believe me, I have been shaking this blog for a decade and no money has fallen out.

**For those of you living in Rome, that’s ten weeks.