Where to begin? I haven’t posted in a while, so let me start with the usual gaming updates: I played some boardgames, especially an old favorite called Goa, and also reviewed a number of new games including two that I especially enjoyed (Johari, Villainy). I also wrote many humor columns including two that I especially enjoyed (Terrifying Bear Danger Rating: A Fear Chart, Bard-Mitzvah: A Shakespearean Travelogue). And I played various video games, including two that I especially enjoyed (Wasteland2, Jade Empire).

I also performed poetry at a few different locations, comedy at a few different locations, and just last night, went to see a comedy performance by Hari Kondabolu. I was chatting with the strangers at my table, a couple from Northampton, and we wondered if one of the reasons people got excited by Kondabolu is that he brings a new edginess; half a century ago it was edgey to swear in your act, or to talk about religion. Nowadays such is commonplace on the comedy scene, but harshly calling out racial privilege repeatedly amidst your comedy act may be the new edgey. (Yes, such may be commonplace in certain small circles, but edgey has always been saying on stage to a wide mainstream audience what you’d normally just say among your friends but not in a room full of strangers.)

Anyway, listening to him talk about such things — and talk about the importance of talking about such things — has prompted me to re-post here a more private journal entry I made a few weeks ago. It is not, alas, funny, but perhaps you will find it worth reading nonetheless:

***

“The Clueless White Guy Chronicles”
or “Epiphanies of the Obvious”
or “Intellectual Knowledge versus Emotional Knowledge”
or “Sometimes Issues Are Sufficiently Large That It’s Hard to Choose a Single Title”

Perhaps some of you are familiar with a video game called Skyrim. I played the hell out of that game, well over 100 hours. A year or two ago, I recall having dinner with two friends of mine, M and Z, as I explained that Skyrim had been a bit of a weird experience for me insofar as my character received continuous random hatred from a majority of the NPCs in the entire game.

I’m playing as an Elf, but most of the people in the world are not Elves. They are Nords. And you start out the game imprisoned by this imperial alliance trying to kill you, and then you’re rescued by a group of rebels fighting the imperials, but it turns out that the rebels think Skyrim is for Nords and they tend to dislike Elves. So of the two opposing sides, it seems like neither really cares about you. And then you can just be walking into a random town, and people will start insulting you because you’re an Elf.

And there’s this one group of NPC heroes who are supposed to be the “good guys” in the game, but their main hero was someone on record as wanting to kill all the elves. And basically, across all of Tamriel, everyone is looking down on me or being a jerk to me for no reason and I don’t want to get in fights in town unnecessarily but it’s hard to just sit there and take non-stop insults and ill-mannered treatment from the entire gameworld, and if I respond in kind it starts a fight, and the town guards show up with a bias against me just because I’m an Elf even though the other guy started the fight. I explained to my friends that this was really frustrating and demoralizing to feel constantly harassed just based on your race.

“Yes, how interesting that must be for you,” my friends said, mockingly, “and how nice to experience that in a video game.”

At this point I should probably mention that my friends M and Z are of Filipino and Iranian descent, respectively. And so for them, a constant casual racism is not so much an anomalous feature of a particularly involved video game, but an all-too-familiar feature of the world. This kind of thing is very old news to half of the country. Now obviously I know this intellectually, but I’m guessing I’m not the only white person who ever found that experiencing racism for a few dozen hours in a video game (even though it’s obviously nothing like dealing with it in real life) makes you understand it in a different way than merely knowing it exists intellectually.

Last week I was thinking about all of that because I had a similar epiphany of the obvious. I’d been binge-watching movies on Netflix, and my recent selections had included a number of films like Shaft, Django Unchained, Harlem Nights, &c. And after a half-dozen films I found myself automatically suspicious of and/or ill-disposed towards any white people who appeared on-screen. I knew they were not to be trusted, and the counter-example of Django’s partner did not change my overall perception. He was “one of the good ones” who was “not like all those other white folks”, and I still knew that I could presume random white guy was probably up to no good, not just a friendly innocent black guy.

My brain did that after two days of movie binge on a very small particular subset of movies in the world. So what happens to the brains of society at large after decades of representation in the other direction? Again, this is in no way a new observation, having been experienced by, pronounced, and written upon by countless people (including many of my friends) for decades. But while I’ve always known intellectually that media representations of minorities are an important problem, it was still a moment for me last week where I said, “Wow, look at the kind of effect I experience on my perception.”

So that is a thing about which I have been thinking lately. And I debated a bit whether to post this where people could see it, both because a) The world is not desperately in need of another white guy’s opinions on race, and b) I’m pretty sure I do not come off looking too bright by saying “Hai guyz, did you know racism is really a thing?” when this is painfully obvious to many people who will read this and less painful but still obvious to most of the rest of you. But I guess that’s what invisible privilege is: The luxury to not think about racial issues, or at best to acknowledge intellectually that they exist but not have to experience or deal with them. So since I have that luxury, I guess literally the least I could do is to mention it, even though it does not make me look great.

The following investigation and one-sided conversation all took place in the span of a single second earlier today, in my brain:

“My thumb hurts, I wonder if something’s wrong.”
“It’s got red splotchy bits, is it blood?”
“No, it’s too dark for that. Maybe it’s bruising from an injury.”
“How would I have injured my finger? Maybe cutting onions for dinner?”
“Oh, the red splotchy bits are red onion.”

So that was fun. While making said dinner, I had to transfer some rice from the giant vat into the rice cooker. My girlfriend seems to believe that dipping the rice measuring cup into the rice works better than pouring the vat into the rice measuring cup, but as I was making the rice, I did it my way*. And apparently, my way consists of dumping rice all over the place. “That went pourly,” she said.

I was already unconvinced about dinner because we were using a tabletop convection oven rather than our usual oven, and I was afraid it wouldn’t work. But we ended up with delicious crispy fish, so I guess I should have had the courage of my convections.

In the unlikely event you haven’t already stopped reading this blog entry for terrible puns, I recently wrote a column sharing some True Facts About June.** Not mentioned, some other true facts about June: I had a lovely time at some WordXWord preliminary events, where I qualified for the August finals***. And I read a lot of graphic novels. And played more video games than board games. But another review is coming soon, I promise.

Meanwhile, if the Berkshires can stop losing power every other day, I have a fun new freelance assignment I’m looking forward to: Writing educational raps.

*To be perfectly Frank.

****I guess I already used that joke in my column tagline, but I presume not everyone who reads my blog clicks through to the columns.

Tonight* I will be performing on stage with the Royal Berkshire Improv Troupe for the first time in… too long. I’m quite looking forward to it, especially since I’ll be able to play the game I invented called “Rap Psychiatrist”, where I play a rapping psychiatrist. I’d really love to have that job in real life, so if any of you have problems and want to hire me to dispense advice to you in rap form, I am admittedly not accredited, but I charge less than half of the standard psychiatry rate, so that has to be worth something. Two humor columns a month aren’t going to pay my bills.

But I suppose I should share them anyway, in case you were interested in reading about Insomnia Vincit Omnia, or False Independence.

Otherwise, while I’ve seen some minor problems back**, life remains good. Tonight, for the second time this week, my girlfriend and I were both sitting on a couch reading a book, which we have decided is how introverts have Date Night. The important part of dinner and a movie isn’t the movie (books are no less social), and she cooked a delicious dinner, so I’m declaring it a success***.

Finished another mini-chapter of the boardgame book. A few down, too many to go. Still planning on a completed draft by the end of the year, come hell or high water.

*chronologically tonight, as it’s past midnight, but actually tomorrow night, since I haven’t slept yet. Friday 16th, is what.

**and visa versa

***”It a success!”****

****Why yes, I was re-watching some Zucker Brothers films this week.

Today being the last day of April, I have just written my 30th poem of National Poetry Month 2014. Or technically, 31st poem*, given that in the middle of the month I wrote a Raven parody about how social media means nobody has time to read. It’s what I like to call “meta-true”, since I posted it on Facebook and only 2-3 people seemed to read it there, although many more people have time to read a haiku; here’s one I wrote this month but didn’t put on Facebook:

The difference between
genius and insanity
is retroactive

Earlier in the month I went to perform some food-themed poetry at a meat market, which was interesting, and performed some comedy at an open mic where I mainly told people how depressing life was. Only, y’know, in a fun way. Speaking of fun, this month we returned to some of our old favorite card games we haven’t played in too long, like Race for the Galaxy and Eminent Domain. I also have a new review up for Lords of Vegas. On the videogame front, Hearthstone and SolForge have been joined by Starbound, accurately described by two BGG friends as “SNES to Terraria’s NES” and “Terraria in space”. Terraria, in turn, has been described as “2d Minecraft with more fighting”. And Minecraft has been described as “completely pointless” and “totally awesome”***.

Also this month we grilled some Reubens**** (or as I like to call them “The King of Sandwiches”) and they were pretty dang tasty.

*Or technically, 33rd, given the two poems I wrote for the food slam mentioned in the following paragraph, but who’s counting**?

**Hopefully a purple muppet vampire.

***Actually, a lot of totally awesome things are completely pointless. Sadly, most completely pointless things are not totally awesome. For example, this footnote.

****Whenever we grill Reubens, the deliciousness thereof becomes a moral issue. It is not uncommon for me to invoke Rabbi Hillel in explanation of why a most delicious Reuben is of utmost importance.

February is a short month. Here’s a short post.

Although no longer weekly, my column now appears in the Berkshire Eagle roughly every other week. Here’s a column about my delightful neighbors. And one about Valentine’s Day.

On the boardgame front, I have a new review up for Bremerhaven. And for the first time in too long, we got a few games of Power Grid in. On the videogame front, I’m playing my way through the Gothic series of games, and just finished Gothic 3. On the crossover front, Hearthstone is pretty damned good.

And at home we’ve been eating all sorts of delicious food, and generally I make up songs about it while I’m in the kitchen.* After a rocky start**, this year is finally back on track. Now I just need to make some progress on my book.

*Including “I like baked spuds and I cannot lie”, “Always the latkes are frying, always the onions and crying”, and “The most beautiful sound I ever heard, Tortilla, Tortilla, Tortilla, Tortilla”

**Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!

I don’t mean like angry with a side of meatballs. I just mean that as a humor writer, sometimes my reactions to things end up being odd. The latest example is a Christmas tree lighting in my town, which was scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving. Those who know me know I don’t like Christmas decorations to begin with, but I find them absolutely unconscionable before Thanksgiving. It’s part of The War On Thanksgiving*, which I wrote about this week.

However, if you read that column, you’ll notice that there’s no mention of the tree lighting. I had what I considered a good argument that the mayor is part of the War on Thanksgiving, and we should be lighting a 30-foot turkey instead. But at the last minute, the tree-lighting was postponed for a week due to inclement weather. My reaction should be a positive one, because something I was mildly annoyed about has been fixed, and the tree lighting now won’t be until after Thanksgiving.

But it meant the editor had to cut the final section of my column at the last minute, and I didn’t have time to write a new ending. So here I am, being irritated that the thing I complain about is being fixed.

*Technically, the column’s title is “The War on Thanksgiving returkies”. Because I wrote a similar column last year, so it would be redux, but I replaced the ducks** with turkies.

**I’ll send you a bill for this explanation.

To be fair, given that the only readily-accessible* option is usually death, it’s always a great time to be alive. But I have to say, I really enjoy living in the era of the free and open Internet. Obviously, previous generations didn’t have Internet at all, and between Verizon and SOPA and various other things threatening Net Neutrality and free access for all, it’s unclear whether the next few generations will share what we have now.

But just a minute ago I was thinking, the old green-eyed monster has reared its ugly head, and I wonder what would best fight it, and after discarding the Yankees**, I settled on a yellow power ring, and a quick search for “yellow power ring green lantern” brought me to the Wikipedia page for Sinestro, and then I link-hopped for a while until I reflected that it’s a glorious time to be alive.

Granted, I also enjoy the Internet because it lets me tell you that my comedy show on Friday went well, and point you to my latest boardgame review (Downfall of Pompeii), and my latest column which is about bus-riding veterans, and hey we’re approaching the holidays so it’s never too early to buy gift copies of From God To Verse.

But basically, I enjoy having the Internet, and so I think it’s a great time*** to be alive.

*Dude, Where’s My DeLorean?

**Who fight the Green Monster.

***2:04am

I used Grammarly to grammar check this post, because my life already has enough mistakes.

Most recent mistake entertaining enough to blog?* Probably the other weekend where I was invited to a party where I was supposed to perform. We drove out to the correct town where we found that the GPS had no reception. We knew the name of our target street, and spent an hour driving in circles trying every road and even asking a few people for directions, all to no avail. We eventually left the town just to get GPS reception, then looked for the road, but when we returned to the road it was a dirt path so steep the car couldn’t get up it. So it was that we returned home defeated, and I emailed the hosts an apology, but got no reply… hopefully they don’t hate me for failing to show up.**

Anyway, while technically local little WordXWord events have been happening every Tuesday night for a while now, next week is the annual WordXWord Festival where talented poets and spoken word artists from around the country are brought in to perform, and the whole thing is free! If you are within striking distance of the Berkshires, this is a festival not to be missed. I am honored that this year not only will I be participating in the poetry and story slams, but have been asked to be part of the Encyclopedia Show, for which I have prepared a brand new piece about which I am pretty excited.

I am also excited about my hip underground rap song Moral Turpitude, to which you could listen. I entered a limerick contest based in Limerick Ireland, and became a finalist but was told to progress further I’d have to attend the contest in person. Still, huzzah for limericks in Limerick.*** My latest column is about the CBS/Time Warner dispute. And my rapping deckbuilding card game Legend of the Cipher continues to receive rave reviews. Perhaps you should give it a play.

*Keep in mind that’s a low bar. I have also blogged about my toenails. Well, if I hadn’t before, let’s make that retroactively true. It sure is annoying when you clip them over a trash can and then they fly all over the room only to be stepped on later and cut your feet. Okay, I’m done blogging about toenails now.

**After all, there are so many better reasons to hate me.

***I hope that lime rickeys are served,
As a drink that is clearly deserved.
As the anapest verse
May go from bad to worse,
But at least it will be well-preserved.

So, I finally started playing Skyrim, and it is as awesome as everyone said it was. The spells are beautiful to watch, so I naturally chose to play a mage. Upon entering the first town, I saw a chicken running down the street and decided to flame-broil it. This apparently angered the surrounding townsfolk, who immediately set upon me with swords and axes, and killed me dead.*

Speaking of angry townsfolk, a lot of political things have been happening in the past few weeks. My only comment upon these at the moment is to suggest you read my latest column about nuanced political argument.

Finally, I was recently interviewed by famed poet Cristin O’Keefe Aptowicz, so if you would like to hear me read her an original poem, followed by a revelation, embarrassment, and stand-up comedy, all in the span of 10 minutes, you should listen to this episode of the IndieFeed Performance Poetry Podcast.

*Friend-suggested reasons for this reaction:
a) Medieval townsfolk live in exceedingly flammable dwellings, and naturally fear fire.
b) That chicken was the mayor, and the townsfolk don’t take kindly to people that try to cook Mayor McCluck.

Smashed my head on a support beam today. And it hurt quite a bit. I knew I should put something cold on it, but our icepack had gone missing, so I was left choosing between bags of frozen berries, frozen corn, and frozen edamame. I went with the edamame, although it does make me wonder if there’s a job as injury sommelier where you could pair frozen foods with injured body parts needing icing.

I was hoping this injury might get me writing my book, because my friend Tom had mentioned a neurological condition where people with head injuries start writing a lot. Alas, no such luck. But I suppose in a way I’m lucky it didn’t work out, otherwise there would be the temptation to give myself a concussion whenever I needed motivation. So I’m glad that my (still painful) head injury didn’t make me write anything.*

Previous to smashing my head, I wrote this column about marriage.

*Aside from this blogpost.**

**A discussion with Tom last week confirmed the opinion that my blogging last decade was more entertaining. I am going to try returning more to the form of random blather, and less self-promotion***, since the people who read my blog seem to prefer it.

***Buy my books!