A year or two ago I wrote a poem about the ubiquity of politics and how it’s impossible to go through your day without having it cast a shadow over everything. Part of me very much wants to get away from that, and I’m sure you want to get away from that too, which is why I write columns about fun topics* like why I’m not married and how I lost hot water and injuring my shoulder.

But also sometimes I write political columns like this song parody The Governor Down In Georgia, because I feel like lately things are getting a lot worse in this country for people who aren’t straight white christian men. And I feel like it’s incumbent upon me to use whatever tiny megaphone** I have to advocate for those whose freedoms are being taken away. Here in the “Land of the Free”, we have more people behind bars than any other country on earth — both in terms of raw numbers, and per capita. Private prisons exacerbate this problem, because private companies exist to profit, and so when locking up more people leads to profit, more people will be locked up.

Maybe this should be a poem instead of a blogpost. I guess WordXWord is in a few weeks, but I get exhausted from doing political poems. I’ve done so many. And this blogpost is not funny, but at least it has links to funny, because it’s important to take a break from the politics and breathe***, right? So, maybe just click through and enjoy some columns for now. But at some future point, speak up for people who just want to live their lives and are being deprived of life or liberty because of who they are rather than what they do.

* I should mention that I have no idea what fun is, as anyone who has ever invited me to a concert or party will confirm.

*** It was only after I typed this that I realized “I can’t breathe” springs to mind, reminding us that for some people it is literally impossible to not be dealing with politics at all times, because politics means fighting for their right to live without being caged or killed.

So, April was National Poetry Month, and I was so busy writing a poem per day that I forgot to make a post here. Oops. Anyway, here’s a poem I wrote last month:
*************

Everyone knows
A funeral is no place to make jokes
I’ve never liked funerals
I guess I’m just not a mourning person
But everyone also knows
A funeral is no place for violence
So after I make my joke
You settle for murdering me with your eyes
Instead of your hands
Don’t worry, I’ll die eventually
We all do
And I hope at my funeral
There will be laughter

******************************

My latest column is about how you can’t believe every T-shirt you read.

My ghostwriting* seems to have picked up this year, which has been good for my career in terms of providing income, but it does mean I can’t share my recent work with you. In fact, later this year may be the release of the first full-length business book I’ll have ghostwritten but be contractually obligated not to proudly share with people, so that’s an interesting new experience.

No worries, I’ve always got my columns to share with you. I wrote a little seriously about countering hate with love, and a lot less seriously about my own competition for most annoying thing in my March Badness brackets. And it’s about to be April, which I’m kicking off by hosting a comedy open mic on April 1st, followed by hitting my usual poetry mic the next night. And that kicks off National Poetry Month, during which I’ll be writing 30 poems as part of the 30/30 challenge.**

Plus earlier this week I cooked an octopus and made soup out of it. All in all, things are looking up.

*Still not ghostwriting any paranormal romance though, even though those jobs make me laugh every time I see them. I wonder, do the people posting them laugh about ghost-writing, or are they inured to the joke? And how would they feel about even worse paranormal romance jokes, like nice ghouls vamping?

**Which you are welcome to join! Yes, you! Even if you don’t consider yourself a poet!

I saw on Twitter that people have been complaining about how terrible the year was for the past few decades, so in that sense perhaps 2018 is not special, but certainly it has been a year of big ups and downs for me.* While I may have preferred the previous few years, on balance life remains good, so like a proton microscope I am trying to focus on the positive.**

Writing is going well. I’m picking up freelance work a bit more regularly, as prospective clients can now read verified reviews from satisfied clients. I’ve written a number of columns I’m pleased with this year, which include my latest two columns, Dr. Manners on Holiday and I am especially proud of this Holiday Dating Guide. And I have the beginnings of two different books for which I would really like to find an agent and/or publisher, one a collection of my humor columns illustrated by an internationally-renowned artist, the other a book about boardgames.

Speaking of boardgames, I’ve continued enjoying them, most recently Great Western Trail which somehow really clicks with me. Lately I’ve been writing fewer in-depth boardgame reviews and saving my writing time for jobs that pay me. I still find time to do some short write-ups for videogames I beat like Shadowrun: HongKong. And a poetry open mic has resumed in my town, which is a nice thing that will hopefully inspire me to write more poetry.***

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*And frankly, I hate riding in elevators.

***Not counting what I’m posting here, in case I had not made it clear, it’s the real poems I’m needing, but thank you for reading, and have a fantastic new year.

I’ve been doing more ghostwriting lately, which is going quite well*. Everything from speeches and web copy to business articles and books, with the big downside that because it is ghostwriting, I can’t really share any of it with you. However, one of my recent clients was so happy with my work that she was willing to put my name on the children’s book I wrote for her as long as she maintained 100% ownership. So that’s a thing I can share.

Meanwhile I continue putting my name on my own columns, even when they’re about the power of someone else’s name.

In the boardgame world I got to play a few games of the new Endeavor: Age of Sail,** and have some mixed reactions to the various changes they made from the base game. But it’s undeniably pretty, and the overall game is still quite enjoyable. And in videogame land I’ve returned once again to Warframe with their latest Fortuna expansion and super-catchy theme song.

* In quality, although quantity could be higher. Maybe you would like to hire? Or if you know someone in need of writing, then… Hie ‘er! (over to me.) (Okay, that one was a stretch.)

** Not to be confused with the brewing entrepreneurship*** game Endeavor: Sage of Ale

*** or “entreprebrewership”. I’m addicted to mashing words together. I should join a supportmanteau group.

This week is our annual Alphabetic Boardgaming Challenge, so I’ve been playing a lot of games ranging from A to Z.* 11 years in, I realize not for the first time what a glorious and yet simple thing it is to spend time doing what you enjoy, with people whose company you enjoy. Sure, for a writer that often means sitting alone and writing about how I hate throwing things out, but that’s valuable too.

This Friday I’m doing a benefit comedy show to raise money for the local teen center, where I’ll be giving a dramatic reading of a few of my columns in addition to doing some stand-up. This is a rarity for me, and promises to be a good time.** So if you’re local and have no Friday plans, come enjoy yourself for a good cause!***

*Or technically A to X so far — Yspahan and Zepter von Zavandor** still to come tomorrow.

***Although as I’ve tried to explain above, enjoying yourself is a good cause too.

Been a month with some big ups and downs. I figure my blog isn’t the place for complaining*, but it is the place to mention that I’ve been doing some ghostwriting**. I can’t, uh, actually point you to any of it because, y’know, ghostwriting. But maybe in a year or two I’ll have my name in tiny print on someone else’s book. Meanwhile, I can at least point you to my most recent column advising you on ways to beat the heat.

Although it dealt no decisive heat blows***, this past week I attended another poetry open mic, which I hadn’t done in a while. There is something inherently satisfying about live performance that all the writing in the world never quite captures: the pleasure of being on stage and getting that immediate positive audience feedback that lets you know, yes, someone appreciates what you’re saying. Just a couple weeks until WordXWord Festival, and even if my own role this year is fairly minimal, it’s still the best poetry event in the Berkshires (and is FREE!), so I encourage everyone who can attend to do so.

* Facebook is the place for complaining!

** Boo! and Yay!

*** “Decisive Heat Blows” is my Flaming Lips cover band.

Sometimes it’s hard to write a blogpost in the current political situation without feeling like a civil war letter.* But I’m trying not to do that, so I’m going to try to find good things. Massachusetts continues to be a forward-thinking state, which is why I have suggested that Massachusetts needs a new motto. On the boardgame front, I finally got to try Altiplano, sequel to Orleans, and already a game I want to play again. I also wrote a column to give you a brief explanation of Mahjong, using helpful devices such as Batman punching things.

Oh right, Mahjong. Did I mention that my new book about Mahjong was published this week?

The Little Book of Mahjong

It’s my first hardcover book, so if you only buy one of my books to prop up a table, be sure it’s this one!

*Frankly, it Burns.

April, as you can read about in my recent column, was National Poetry Month. As per usual, I participated in the 30/30 Challenge through WordxWord and wrote a poem a day. I’ve even thrown one of my daily poems at the end of this blogpost. But of course, poetry isn’t the only thing in April. There’s also taxes, which hopefully you’ve filed by now, but would probably have enjoyed more if you could use my Updated Tax Regulations for 2020.

On the gaming front I’m more than halfway through Mass Effect Andromeda, but between graphic novels and writing poems, didn’t get tons of videogaming in for April. Still plenty of boardgaming though, and I have up a review of Pandemic: Season 2. Also got in a game of Age of Empires III, one of my all-time favorite worker placement games.

Anyway, here’s Wonderwall a poem:

“Tyranny of Manners”

Machines still have some learning to do
In spite of numerous advances over the past few decades
Algorithms that scan and filter text on the Internet
Are much less good at detecting what you are saying
Than detecting how you are saying it
And many of the people running big websites on the Internet
Are no better than machines
Which is why you can get away with saying
“Pardon me, I believe it evident
That your race and/or religion
Is genetically, intellectually, physically, and morally inferior
And members thereof should be expelled or exterminated
Or at the very least denied the rights my race/religion receives”
But if you reply
(As one naturally might)
with
“Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit”
Then your account may be warned and/or suspended
While the person to whom you are replying receives no such admonition
Which goes to prove
In spite of numerous advances over the past few decades
People still have some learning to do

Technically speaking, my newest book won’t be released until this summer (he said, early in 2018). But because we are always living in the future these days, I figured I might as well add it to this page now. After all, it already has an Amazon page, and as we all know, if it exists on the Internet it must be real.

As someone who plays so many modern boardgames on a regular basis, it is perhaps a bit surprising that my first published gaming book is about a classic game like Mahjong, rather than more recent Eurogames like Dominion or Puerto Rico. Well, don’t worry, I’m already working on another gaming book focusing more on Eurogames. (And do not yet have an agent or publisher for it, so if you know anyone who would be a good fit, let me know!) Meanwhile, however, I am excited to finally have published a gaming book. I humbly present to you The Little Book of Mahjong.

One advantage of focusing on a single game instead of many is that I had plenty of space to really dig into everything you need to know about Mahjong. There is a history and origins of Mahjong, comprehensive rules for both International and American Mahjong, in-depth strategies for International and American Mahjong, variants played around the world, advice for finding a game… basically everything you need to know about Mahjong but were afraid to ask. So, don’t be afraid. Heck, you don’t even need to ask, you can just clicky on the book and go to the Amazon page — I hope you enjoy it.

(This is my attempt to publish a post in the past and see what happens; let’s find out!)