I guess because I try to write something here once a month, it’s fair to say I post periodically*. But perhaps that is insufficient. I was reading Greta Christina’s blog, and she mentions that if a blog doesn’t post every week or two, she won’t bother following it.** Sadly, I have enough difficulty just working up an interesting post once a month. And I really have no desire to turn this blog into a Twitter/Facebook realm where I update you about what I’m eating (grapes), what movie I just watched (Funny People), and what I’m doing right now (praeteritio).

What’s worse, when I do have an idea worth writing about, I often turn it into a column instead. Whether I am thinking about politics, sex, or religion, if those thoughts manage to get beyond the obvious*** or the simple one-liner observation**** to the point where I feel my ideas are worth sharing publicly, I will probably try to make them at least slightly humorous and then work them into a column. And while my more political columns like the three I just linked may not be as laugh-out-loud funny as my more zany columns, I still feel they are important and worth sharing, and enjoy having them appear in my local newspaper. Which I guess is another periodical posting.

That’s two guesses in as many paragraphs, leading me to believe… that I’m not quite sure of myself.*****  Perhaps it’s the stupefying humidity; there’s nothing else that quite gives you that feeling of having your wisdom drained.******  But I wanted to read some philosophy tonight, so I sat down to look at a bit of Kant… and found that my brain was completely unwilling to parse it. I’ve written numerous papers about the categorical imperative, but right now, I can’t even read about it. I can’t even summon up the energy to make a Kant/can’t joke. But there are so many ellipses that you could say… I’m posting periodically.

* Although it’d be even more fair if I were writing articles about the table of the elements.

** On the bright side, this means I could insult her here and she’d never read it. “Hey Greta: your blog may be incredibly well-written, often insightful, and filled with thought-provoking posts, but the blog title isn’t terribly creative. Take that!”

*** Sex is fun!

**** People end up getting screwed in all three!

***** At least, I think that’s what it means.

****** Although an encounter with a Lamia can be very similar. Pretty sure that humidity can do more wisdom damage than 1d4, though.

I tend to dislike Facebook, but I’m on there nonetheless to avoid missing out on local parties only invited online, so I try to post something occasionally. Unlike working up a blog post here, which at least ostensibly ought to contain some sort of actual content, Facebook posts are tiny and so call for people to be pithy*.

I was thinking above love recently, I think because I had written a poem or two about it for a poetry reading the other week. The poetry reading itself was great fun, both because the featured reader was Taylor Mali (who is always a delight), and because my poems were generally well-received.**

Anyway, while thinking about love, I came to a conclusion about myself which I felt was an solid little Facebook update status. “Seth Brown loves very wisely, but not well enough.” And then I realized that while some people would understand my intent to present a reversal of Othello’s quote as an explanation that I feel I have chosen very excellent friends indeed even if I sometimes do not show my appreciation sufficiently, on Facebook it would probably sound to most people like, “Seth Brown likes awesome girls but is bad in bed.”***

I didn’t actually have anything to say about a marrier, but I wanted a double pun post title and now feel compelled to follow through with it, so I will do something unusual for this blog and dip briefly into the realm of the political. I saw talk of the 2010 Texas GOP platform on other blogs, presumed it must be either exaggeration or a fringe group. But no, I went to the official Texas GOP site, and indeed along with the expected mix of ideas I find supportable, ideas about which I am apathetic, and ideas with which I disagree, lie some truly horrible ideas, many of which could be eliminated from the platform and simply condensed into, “Gay people are illegal,” which would save lots of time rather than having individual laws that ban sodomy, ban partner benefits, ban restrictions on discrimination, and make it a felony to perform same-sex marriage.

I think every half-century or so, there’s a group we treat like dirt in this country and then eventually America slaps its collective forehead and says, “Oh, they’re people too, so I guess treating them like sub-humans should probably stop and we should give them the same rights as people.” And then we pass some laws, and while we don’t eliminate discrimination entirely, we at least give it a good kick by removing it from our laws, and then decades later we look back with shame at how we treated that group of people… all while mistreating the next group.

If you think about it, it was almost a century ago (give or take a decade or so) that we gave women the vote. Women! They don’t even have a penis! How will they push the levers? Alright, fine, women are people, but what about them black folk?**** You wouldn’t want to drink from the same water fountain, would you? What? They’re people too? Okay, sure, but these gays, you can’t let them visit each other in the hospital or fall in love and have families like humans, right? Are you kidding me THEY’RE PEOPLE TOO?!?

It’s a slow and painful process, but I try to remain optimistic. I have little doubt that in 50 years, we’ll have accepted gay people as people, and look back with shame as we always do on the attempts of so many to legislate discrimination. I don’t know what new group we’ll be dehumanizing then; I only know I’ll be in favor of their rights too. I hope by then I’ll be funnier about it.******

*”Girl, you are theriouthly pithy.”

**As usual, the painstakingly pre-written poems were met with mild approval, while the instantaneously composed freestyle poetry received a much more hearty ovation. I realize that many people can write poetry and fewer people can freestyle poetry, so the latter is more impressive, and I’m always glad that people appreciate my work in that area. But there’s still something weird about the poems you spent a long time working on getting quiet polite applause, and the poem you didn’t bother working on at all but just made up on the spot getting much more thunderous applause.*****

***Cause of death: Suicide. Reason: Top Google result for own name.

****The history of anti-black discrimination in this country is perhaps slightly more beset, because first the country had to be convinced that blacks should be free rather than slaves, and then they had to be convinced again later that they should be people and not just free.

*****I always accidentally read that phrase as “Thunderous Applesauce”, which would be a great name for a rock band.

******I’m reminded of one of my favorite old tales about discrimination. A very bigoted (let’s say, Texas GOP) family offers in patriotism to host some soldiers for a dinner, but writes in the letter to the Captain “No Jews, please.” On the appointed night, there is a knock at the door, and 8 black soldiers are there. “Oh no,” says the matron anxiously, “there must be some mistake!”  “Not at all, ma’am,” says one of the soldiers with a smile. “Captain Goldberg never makes mistakes.”

Well, okay, maybe today isn’t very exciting. But we’ve had some exciting Tuesdays recently. Last Tuesday was Groundhog Day, and the Tuesday before that was the State of the Union. I talk about them both in my Groundhog Day Column, although if you really want to read about my political views, they’re all laid out in my column about same-sex marriage.

As long as I’m throwing you links to my writing, I should probably mention that my latest book review is up over at USA Today. This was another book someone has written about the modern workplace, called The Future of Work, and like many other books on the subject, confirms (or, okay, at least agrees with) my suspicions that the corporate taskmaster overlord structure is increasingly ill-suited for the modern world. Whether workers are increasingly becoming better at working away from rigid cubicle structures, or whether we’re just increasingly becoming better at noticing how awful the current standard setup is, it seems more freedom and flexibility in the workplace should become more standard.

I think my favorite quote on the subject comes from a book I recently read by Malcolm Gladwell, who said something to the effect of, “If so many people feel compelled to think outside the box (and tell others to do the same), perhaps it’s time that we build a better box.” This is a mangled paraphrase, but I don’t feel like re-reading the whole book to find the quote right now.

People always talk about Good Friday, but most people prefer Saturday. My Saturday was particularly good, because we discovered that you could make bibimbap* in the rice cooker, and then my improv troupe had a show which was probably one of the best we’ve ever done. This is probably unrelated to the fact that I half-mooned the audience as a plumber, served as another member’s parachute and binoculars, and sang about having ice cream and sex.

I’ve gotten too lazy** to post all my columns to this site, and the Transcript site hasn’t been posting all the recent ones, but you can still read my column about clouds. Aristophanes had nothing to do with it. An observation that reminds me that sometimes, I am too educated for my own good. Last week I was asked to do a user review of a site where people keep an online tally of what places they’ve visited. Asked for how I’d describe it, I said it was the apotheosis of conspicuous consumption, and then I realized that I am a giant egghead and people asking for site feedback don’t want to hear about the sociological theories of Thorstein Veblen***.

Having used up all my online boardgaming credit on my last order, I knew it was time to stop buying board games. But it wasn’t time to stop trading for board games, and so for the past week and a half, I’ve been eagerly awaiting a package from Canada containing a number**** of games. I’ve been checking the tracking number every day, and the blasted thing is still in Montreal. That’ll teach me to trade internationally. Although it’s silly that Canada is international. We’re all North America, so we should just be friends. I mean, Alaska’s not international, and it’s further than the rest of Canada is.

* Of course, I think of the hot clay pot as the key ingredient in bibimbap, and we don’t have that. But the slightly crisped rice, the bulgoki (korean-style beef BBQ), the egg, even the hot sauce, we got it all. And wow, was it tasty.

** Not that I wasn’t already very lazy. But I’ve also started thinking maybe I shouldn’t have everything I write online. Maybe I should just keep a few best-of columns up, and take down the rest, in case I want to do a book of them later. But I haven’t taken any columns down either, leading me to believe that in fact, I’m just lazy.

*** Even though he was totally right. Seriously, tourism as conspicuous consumption is already pretty obvious given the focus on photos and knicknacks. And then a site launches solely so you can brag to others where you’ve been, and how can you not bring up conspicuous consumption, right?

**** Ten. Including a game that combines complicated strategic programmatic movement with a wind-up toy. I can’t wait.

No, I haven’t played the Penny Arcade game. But I did recently get to see the last song in that game performed live, by none other than MC Frontalot. Last week I was at Nerdapalooza, enjoying the gathering of many nerdcore musicians from all over the country and even a few internationals. Although two twelve-hour days of solid music programming was too much for me, I tried to catch a song or two from every group, and even got to do a guest spot on one song. You can read about my adventures in last week’s column, although it doesn’t mention that the two main ways I impressed people over the weekend were by freestyling in the parking lot, and by baking delicious pizzas to share at a party hosted by a group actually named Emergency Pizza Party.

Actually, since I haven’t posted in a bit, you may want to read my previous columns on puritanical sexual mores and ettiquette advice. But now I have finally returned home, and with another mil(l/e)stone* fast approaching, I stand on the precipice of old age, soon never to be trusted, and I can’t help but wish to squeeze more out of the swiftly fleeting days.

I can’t complain too much, though. A few days ago I attended a poetry slam hosted by none other than national slam poetry clampion Taylor Mali. He was very entertaining as a host, but was not competing, which meant that I managed to emerge victorious. It was a lovely event to welcome me back to the Berkshires, and I account myself fortunate that regardless of how awesome my vacations are, returning home is always a pleasant experience for me. When life is good, frequent vacations are less important.

*Because it’s a milestone and a millstone, and because I was forced to read Derrida in college and there’s no reason you shouldn’t suffer too.

If you were to travel back in time and ask my highschool self what career I would have in the future, “Underpaid Rapper” probably would not have been in my first hundred answers. But sure enough, here I am, frequently rapping for insufficient remuneration. I suppose between my epic* limericks and my songs with Lex, the fact that I kept rhyming makes sense.

As with most things I do, it started largely as a joke.  I wrote an email to my favorite rap group at the time (Blackalicious), and ended up making a silly rap to send them. But then I ended up joining an online nerdy rapping community, and started rapping a lot more. I put up a myspace page and began writing raps for posterity. I started freestyling everywhere I went, from a humor conference in Ohio to the streets of San Francisco. The rap video I posted two months ago ended up winning a little contest. Last weekend my improv troupe was performing in Providence, and our most popular game is one I invented where we do the whole scene in rap form. Tomorrow I’m doing stand-up comedy at a local bar, and I generally end my set with a freestyle rap.

I’m still trying to freestyle about the news every week on my rap podcast, News In Rap. And later this month I’ll be heading out to a national nerdy hip-hop festival, to meet other nerdy rappers from that aforementioned online community and around the world. Somehow, rapping has become a large part of my life. It’s perhaps an odd place for me to end up, but I have to admit, I’m enjoying it.

(this column has nothing to do with rap. God to Verse, on the other hand, could certainly be performed over a rap beat if someone wanted to.)

* by which I mean many stanzas in length like an epic poem, rather than epic in the modern internet parlance that means full of win**

** although they were also full of win

Yes, it’s soon to be April 15th, which means it is tax time once again. I still have to finish filling out some forms, but at least I finished paying my 2008 No Car Tax last weekend. Or I guess technically, two weekends ago, since last weekend I was briefly in RI to perform at the Catch a New Rising Star in Lincoln. With only a 5-minute slot though, it wasn’t much show. I figure those who like my rapping can catch my weekly podcast or my guest appearance this Saturday at the Red Room, while those who like my comedy can come to one of the monthly comedy open mics here, or catch a performance by my improv troupe.

Anyway, I know I probably sound like a commercial, but perhaps that’s because I recently reviewed a book about the infomercial industry. I must say, writing for the USA Today is interesting. Because they have so much to cover, they tend to like their articles very concise, and so I often find that my articles end up edited down quite a bit. Still, I’ve been told to write what I think the book merits, so I’d rather overwrite than be too brief and force editors to make up whole paragraphs.  Regardless, writing reviews is something I’ve always wanted to do, and now I’m doing it, so yay for that.

Apparently there’s recently been a large kerfluffle over at Amazon, where a number of GLBT-related books had their sales ranks removed. This was originally theorized to be an attack on homosexuality, but more recently Amazon has called it a “glitch” and some online troll forces have claimed responsibility, noting that they did it for the “Lulz”.  I was going to “comment” on this, but after the previous “sentence”, I got too entertained by putting “certain” words in quotes. I guess I’m easily “amused”.

Hello, new year! I greet you with open arms*! I enjoyed last year quite a bit, so I’d like to sign up for more of the same. That’s why we’ll start off the new year right with a column about infinite food, millions of wasted dollars, and clean plates.

I know, you’re thinking, “Surely you won’t manage a whole post without talking about board games?” Well, you’re right.**  Some of you know that I recently got yet another shipment of board games. Among them was Android: an epic adventure game with a much bigger rulebook than any other game I own. This is also the first boardgame for which I’ve seen a truly compelling trailer, which is linked in my review, which you should go read.

Man, that’s enough whiches to start a coven.

*To hug you. Also with open mouth, to eat your tasty food.

**And quit calling me Shirley.

Hey, they can’t all be good.

Last weekend I attended my fourth wedding* in as many months. I continue to be surprised how different each wedding is that I attend, although this most recent one was perhaps more different yet, what with it being an orthodox wedding. Still, there was a bride, a groom, and other people I knew, so it was a wedding. And there were even animatronic parakeets on each table, which were bizarre but charming.

In other news, my most recent book review** ran in the USA Today yesterday, about a book on neurological marketing techniques. It was a fascinating read about how corporations will approach advertising in the years to come, and it takes subliminal advertising to whole other levels. It’s sort of awesome and scary, or at least, would be scary if so many other things weren’t much more scary.

*That is, fourth wedding of other people. I try only to get married every other month. Prospective wives, feel free to send gifts!

**Not, of course, a review of my book, for which I am still trying to find a publisher.

I believe it was some famous guy whose name eludes me (Thomas Jefferson? Mark Twain? Karl Marx?) who said, “I’d have written a shorter letter, but I didn’t have time.” I think I’ve never appreciated that as much as I do now, having just recorded my summary of the second presidential debate. See, for my previous two debate raps, I’ve spent hours (in the first debate, way too many hours) reading the debates and writing up rhymed summaries for myself to rap later.

This time, I wanted to take less time. So after watching a brief clip of the debate to hear the candidate’s voices (conclusion: I don’t care), I brought up the debate transcript, turned on a looped backbeat, and began freestyling. I had gotten maybe a quarter of the way down the page when I realized: “Crap, I’m already ten minutes into this!”

Since the whole thing was freestyled and recorded real-time with no pre-writing, you actually get to hear my realization on the podcast. Anyway, the whole thing clocks in at nearly 23 minutes, which is a lot longer than the previous debate raps, a little longer than I’d like, but still not nearly as long as watching the debate itself. More importantly, it took me much less time to do, so I’m likely to freestyle a summary for the final debate next week (unless I get a lot of people emailing to say “the first two were much better, please pre-write the last one!”)

Anyway, enough written blather. Time for rhyming verbal blather!

http://risingpun.podomatic.com/