With Twitter rapidly going downhill — many people’s main want from the platform was fewer nazis, whereas the new plan seems to be bring back more nazis — some people have suggested a return to a more balkanized social media where people maintain their own sites. And I thought to myself, “Why not? I have a website, where I post things sometimes, people even read it occasionally. Why shouldn’t I just run my own blog?”

Well, one answer is that I am not very good at computers. And indeed, after the site hack of my GodToVerse.com site a few months ago, and then the avalanche of spam comments the other month, and then another recent security warning, WordPress warned me I should immediately update my site, and so I clicked the update button and it seems to have eaten my website. The blogposts are still here, but my whole layout and links to my books and columns and so forth are all disappeared.

So in the coming months I’ll be trying to fix that, but meanwhile, I can appreciate having someone else in charge of my social media hub. Perhaps I can convince all my friends to migrate to Dreamwidth? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Anyway, here’s a recent column of mine that rates a look, gamewise I’ve been playing Fallout 4, and I hope people have a pleasant and safe holiday season.

That’s my $5 monthly payment for extra wishes in Genshin Impact, the video game my partner and I have been playing the past couple years. The music is top-notch, which is one of the things that keeps us playing. Sadly less boardgaming for the past few months, although this month that will certainly change as we once again take up the Alphabetic Boardgaming Challenge.

Meanwhile, things continue, with all the good and bad that implies. My most recent column is about my newest pet and my neighbor from 20 years ago: Enter the Cricket. If you want to read my other columns from the past two months, my newsletter remains the best way to get regular updates since I’m not great at posting frequently to this blog, as you might well have noticed.

The more they stay the same. For example, I have updated* my website to the newest version of WordPress, with a whole new interface to make it easier to deal with the thousands of spam comments that continue to pour in (which is why comments are still off; feel free to email me). And it should now be easier to post. Technically. By which I mean technically, and also technically.

Ah, English.

But the primary obstacle to my posting is always my attention span and sense of time, and neither were terribly good to begin with, and the past few years have done neither any favors. Amidst my paid freelancing for clients, it’s harder for me to motivate myself to write things no one is paying me for that I’m also not sure anyone is reading. I have been writing my biweekly email newsletter, which I’m sure at least a few people are reading, because no comment spambots are subscribed to my list. Yet.**

So if you’d like to get fortnightly updates with my latest columns and my even laterest ramblings (this issue: Blisters! Gilligan’s Island! The Apocalypse! Tweety Bird!), please follow the complicated instructions below:

Meanwhile, I’ll share some of my favorite recent columns with you here. If you like Edgar Allen Poe, or poetry, or wonder if his friends ever called him Edgar Allen Poetry, you might appreciate my parody of his poem “The Bells”, but about birds, which I have imaginatively titled “The Birds“. Also, if you’ve been following the news lately, I’m so sorry. I’ve also been following the news, which has been even worse than I imagined, which is impressive given the capabilities of my imagination. I could tell you more about how that all ties together if you’d like to hear about Imaginary Friends.

Life is short; have some sushi.***

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*by which I mean, I have hired someone competent at these things to update my website, because apparently skill at words does not translate to skills at WordPress.

**You could be the first! Act now! No money down! Additional terms and conditions may apply. You might well ask why I am advertising to spambots. Well, turnabout is fair play.

***Admittedly this probably shortens it more for the fish. But actually this footnote is to note that the one tangible improvement in this updated wordpress is that I can now move my footnotes down the page without having to enter a few lines with a single period on them.****

****That’s a footnote I wrote before loading the preview screen, which turns out to be completely incorrect*****, because all my carriage returns didn’t prevent the footnotes from being right up next to the text. So much for modern technology. I’m keeping my carriages. One day I’ll have a whole carriage house. That’ll show ’em.

*****Well, not completely incorrect; sushi still does shorten life for fish.

It’s easy for the days, weeks, and even months to blend together these days. I mean, it has never been difficult for that to happen for me, but now even more so. So I, uh… MAY have skipped another month posting here. Oops.

In case you already forgot May, we had some unseasonable weather, including a week that had a snowstorm, hailstorm, rainstorm, and windstorm.* Of course, now that warm weather is here to stay, it’s time for haircuts.

Meanwhile, we’ve kept morale up in self-isolation by ordering take-out once a week, oft rotating between our 2-3 favorite local Asian restaurants, as we would like for all of them to stay in business. Pad thai makes excellent takeout, and I recommend it to everyone.

Oddly enough, I’ve gotten back into sudoku, thanks to a youtube channel named Cracking the Cryptic, and some pleasantly British narration. But right now, I’m going to get back into some leftover Chinese takeout.

*And if you count a 70-degree day soon following a snow day as a “sunstorm”, we had that in the same week too.

I spent a few hours late thisafternoon shoveling out our driveway from the blizzard. As this is a shared driveway with our neighbors, it gave me time to reflect how much I hate their decorations.

The most obvious example is Christmas decorations. Those of you who know me are aware that my appreciation of Christmas decorations to begin with is roughly halfway between Ebeneezer Scrooge and the Grinch. Our neighbors had giant inflatable nonsense (which couldn’t just be inflated and left there, but needed to have the frequently-running extra-loud inflator running half the time), as well as extra-blinky epilepsy-inducing lights which kept making me think the cops were outside our house (which, in our neighborhood, is not uncommon). Those decorations were up for the entire month of December.

But the decorations I hated most today were the three shovels standing in their front yard, which remained purely decorative as I shoveled the entirety of the driveway for the second time this week.

So, this post is a bit long, but it’s the most important one I’ve made all year. A few years from now, I hope to have written a book exploring how to be happy. But in the meantime, I can give you some of the best information on happiness currently existing. Studies have shown that your happiness is strongly affected by the happiness of your friends, and this effect persists through multiple degrees, so your happiness is also influenced by the happiness of your friends’ friends, and even their friends. The upshot of this is that a great way for you to become happier is to increase the happiness of your friends, as well as (if you’re a friend or FoaF of mine) the happiness of my friends.

There have also been numerous studies associating prosocial spending with happiness, which is to say, spending money on others, especially your friends, makes you happier.

Conveniently, I have a plan that will accomplish all of this at once. My friends are really talented, and make cool stuff. So if you bought the cool stuff they made, they would be happier. Then if you gifted that cool stuff to your friends, *they* would be happier. And having given this gift, you would be happier. So you can directly increase your happiness, and the happiness of your friends, and the happiness of your friends’ friends (the latter two of which also increase your happiness), all by buying a little gift from this list to give to a friend of yours.

FOAF Holiday Gift Guide 2013

BOOKS:

Yes, I threw my books in there as well, but let’s talk about my friends (linked names denote additional gifts for sale):

While I was at a humor writing conference, I met Kelly Potter and Michele Wojciechowski (whose name is never typed, only copied and pasted), and Jenn Dlugos.
At college I met “Terry Lee Wright” whose above book is about child slavery.
At college I also met Margaret Ronald, who in addition to engrossing short stories, has written the urban fantasy Spiral Hunt trilogy.
Ethan Zuckerman technically lives locally, but is oft traveling the world talking and writing about technology.
Rachel Barenblat, his wife, is a poet and Rabbi whose study and spirituality informs her poetry.
Over the past few years, through WordXWord I’ve had the good fortune to meet an incredible group of spoken word poets in the Write Bloody cabal. Taylor Mali is probably the most famous, but I’ve also been moved by Robbie Q Telfer, Anis Mojgani, Derrick Brown, Jon Sands, and Cristin O’Keefe Aptowicz.
Howard Cruse is a big name in queer and underground comics circles and award-winning graphic novelist, not to mention a delightful host of occasional local arts gatherings.
Dan Carroll, an old highschool friend, is the creator of Stick Figure Hamlet.
Lex Friedman, my summer co-improv teacher, erstwhile comedy partner, and parallel universe self, is always amusing whether he’s just blogging, or parodying Dr. Seuss.

GAMES:

These were not solo endeavors, as games require many people, but college friends of mine worked on each of these games. Niko White on EPIC and Battlegrounds, Jeff Dougherty on Hell of Stalingrad, and on the video game side, Jess Scott and Mike Veloso on Rock Band.

MUSIC
In college I also met conductor Allegra Martin, whose women’s chorale is now accompanied by organist Josh Lawton, a mutual college friend.
Though my nerdy rap endeavors, I’ve met a number of interesting people, but two who I’ve kept chatting with on occasion are MC Frontalot and MegaRan, two of the bigger names in the dubiously defined Nerdcore genre.

ART & CRAFTS & OTHER
Geez, I sure have a lot of talented friends from college, including the inimitable Katy Dieber and local writer Emily Banner, both who make jewelry.
Elissa Shevinsky, another college friend, is selling T-shirts.
I would definitely not want to go through winter without wearing custom-knit wool socks made by Debbie Baker, my personal chef. For locals, she also has knit shawls and felted bags. But then again, I’m informed that someone else is already doing a Berkshires Local List, so for this page I’ll stick with gifts created by my friends you can have shipped anywhere in the U.S.

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Anyway, if you remember all those happiness studies from way back when this post started, you’ll recall that the best way to increase your happiness is to buy this awesome stuff from my friends and gift it to your friends. Failing that, share this page with your friends, who will still increase your happiness in multiple ways if they buy stuff from my friends for their friends. Thanks!

I bid you all increased happiness.

April Fools.

Heaven and Hell are on my mind tonight, like the angel and devil that sit over my shoulders and tell me to do things. Actually, angel and devil aren’t quite right. It’s more like the productivity cheerleader over one shoulder, and the other shoulder has a guy who just wants to watch Daily Show episodes online and play old video games*.

Also, I might be thinking of Heaven and Hell because today (July 31, 2011) is the scheduled date of the apocalypse, according to some very scientific calculations that I made up in a column titled Apocalypse Soon. Some say the world will end in ice, some in fire**, and if it ends in fire, you’ll want my tips for staying cool.

But the main reason I’m thinking of Heaven and Hell is because I experienced them both this weekend.

Friday was Comedy Heaven. Performing locally just a few minutes from home, my improv troupe and I put on a fabulous show, culminating in an incredible musical nightmare scene where a teddy bear came to life, poisoned the dog, revealed itself as a demon, and was killed by earl grey. And then I had a 10-minute set during the stand-up portion that went very well, everyone laughing at all of my jokes.

Saturday was Comedy Hell. As the opening act, I had 15 minutes of material prepared. I arrived at the (farther afield) venue to find the headliner had an emergency, and I was the whole show. I did 15-20 minutes of surefire material, and the audience was dead like Jerry Garcia. The only thing they’d responded to was my rap, so after a brief intermission, I came back and did a lot of freestyle rapping, but even that did not impress them. An hour after I’d stepped on stage, I’d exhausted all my material and my voice, and judging from audience reaction you wouldn’t think I’d outperformed the salad.***

I think any comedian has stories of comedy heavens and comedy hells. I sure hope to get more heaven stories soon. But I guess I better hurry up; I hear the apocalypse is today.

*Like Diablo2, while I wait for Diablo3 to come out. Oh, Diablo… maybe it is a devil on that shoulder.

***To be fair, burlesque is always popular, so people like to watch salad dressing.

Or for me, roof with consequences. The other weekend I had a non-delightful reminder of some of the downsides of home ownership. I managed to survive mostly unscathed, if very wet, cold, and unhappy.

Thankfully, happiness should be on the rise soon. Tomorrow night I’m performing both stand-up and improv comedy at an event I’m led to believe has already sold out on advance tickets alone. Normally we don’t even sell out including walk-ins. So this is very exciting to me, and hopefully a harbinger* of more good things to come, as we’re hoping to make the improv/stand-up comedy night a monthly event

All of which means I should probably write some new jokes. I write some new jokes for every show, but some of my good material from previous events I’ll re-use. But I worry people won’t want to hear the same joke twice. This is why I like improv comedy so much. But the best stand-ups hone, practice, and refine their material until it’s great. I guess that touring helps you tell the same jokes without boring people**. Me, I like performing locally, which means new material.

A consequence of this is that I start feeling like anything funny that happens, I should try to make use of it. For example, yesterday I was (subcontractedly) recording a simple website review for a client. My recording is intended solely for their informational purposes, it’s not a commercial of any sort. Normally my satisfaction ratings are all very high. This company gave me only a medium rating, and a reason given was “the user sounds like a Canadian”.***

What’s that all aboot? Anyway, it’s possible I should try to carefully save all my various happenstances for columns and stand-up performances, but that way lies madness.***** In the meantime, I’m reading some of those books linked a few posts ago, eating lots of tasty food, and playing board games. Life is good.

*Can you have good harbingers? I suppose so. I just immediately think “of DOOM!” when I hear the word harbinger. Also the word cupcake. It’s possible there’s something wrong with me.

**Unlike, say, trephining.

***And walks like an Egyptian****.

****Which probably looks very different than you’d expect, given recent events.

*****Or Sparta.

Well, it’s officially Thanksgiving. And if I had to name one thing I was most thankful for, it would probably be my friends. They are smart, funny, kind, talented people. And heck, if you’re reading this, there’s a pretty good chance you’re one of them, since I am not that famous. So thanks.

Now, to business. And by business, I mean, helping you become happier. How can I do that? Simple. A study from 2008 showed that your happiness is influenced by the happiness of your friends. And not just first-degree friends, but their friends, and even their friends. The upshot of this is that a great way for you to become happier is to increase the happiness of your friends, as well as (if you’re a friend of mine) the happiness of my friends.

Conveniently, I have a plan that will accomplish both of these goals. See, as previously mentioned, my friends are really talented, and make cool stuff. So if you bought the cool stuff they made, they would be happier. Then if you gifted that cool stuff to your friends, *they* would be happier. And with these two groups of people now happier, you and I are (statistically speaking) likely to be happier as well. So here are some awesome gifts to help you increase happiness all around:

Yes, I threw my three books in there as well. But there’s also an award-winning graphic novel, two great fantasy novels, a kama sutra for Snuggie-wearers, an incredible stick-figure version of Hamlet, and a novel about child sex trafficking. All written by friends of mine. And not all books are on Amazon; if you’re willing to brave the LuLu storefront, you can find two poetry chapbooks, one children’s book, and even my own NaNoWriMo novel Shards.

Or perhaps you’d prefer a game?

These were not solo endeavors, as games require many people, but friends of mine worked on each of these games. Heck, I have *two* friends who worked on Rock Band 3. I did mention my friends were awesome, right? And finally, some unique and handmade gifts that aren’t available on Amazon. But they’re worth navigating other sites for!

You could visit etsy, if you wanted some incredibly beautiful felted bags, some of which are hand-knit. Or some lovely beaded and baubled necklaces and bracelets. Or some silver earrings, in limited supply. I had other friends with etsy stores, but they appear to be on hiatus.

One of my friends who worked on Rock Band 3 has his own Chamber Music CD.

One of my friends who did not work on Rock Band 3 made Handmade Cards, and so did her patients.

Finally, for people who are too stressed and don’t need any more material goods, you should get a gift certificate for a massage, presuming you live near one of my masseuse friends in Boston (sarah.reinfeld) on hiatus until mid-2011 or NYC (kimicat). Both can be emailed @gmail.com, and tell them I sent you.

So that’s it. A whole bunch of stuff, which you should buy from my friends and give to your friends. I bid you all a pleasant Thanksgiving, and may you increase happiness in the world.