“A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.”
–Mark Twain

Had a friend over for lunch earlier this week, and we were discussing creative work and motivation. I said for me, there are only three reasons I do something:

1) I enjoy doing it.

2) I am being paid for it.

3) I want to have done it.

Obviously, it’s relatively easy to motivate yourself to do things in the first category. Sometimes there’s a startup inertia to overcome (see: making plans to actually interact with my friends face to face), but generally if you know you like something, it’s not hard to get yourself to do it. When it comes to writing, I’m actually surprisingly good at the second category. If I’m being paid for something, I am fairly motivated to set down and write it. I find this slightly more difficult with larger projects (such as my upcoming Little Book of Mahjong), but still if someone is paying me to write something, I’m pretty good at motivating myself to sit down and do so.

That third category, however, is what I often refer to as a “Mark Twain Classic”. I realized this week that sometimes blogging for me falls into this category, which is why I only end up doing it once a month or so. More (de)pressingly, into this category also falls any ambitious creative project of large scope for which I am not being paid. Small projects often stay fun long enough to also be in the first category. But big projects like books or albums or games*, if the fun is gone and the money shows no signs of appearing, the only remaining motivation is that Mark Twain Classic.**

But things don’t have to be restricted to one category. My humor column happily fulfills all three: I enjoy writing it, I get paid to do so, and I’m happy that the completed columns exist. Heck, I even hope you’re happy they exist, and might enjoy reading about how my family has a tradition of saying the wrong thing despite the Best of Intentions, or how people underestimate the Importance of Inspiration. Come to think of it, probably the best thing we can do is life is try to find outlets which fulfill all three categories at once.

But often that won’t be available, and so we do what I do, which is enjoy the first category as much as possible, plan to work on the second category as available, and tell myself that next month when the paid project is done, I’ll get around to that big personal project.

* Or in my case, a book about games and a game that would include a full album.

** And that’s why it took me a decade to write From God To Verse.

April, as you can read about in my recent column, was National Poetry Month. As per usual, I participated in the 30/30 Challenge through WordxWord and wrote a poem a day. I’ve even thrown one of my daily poems at the end of this blogpost. But of course, poetry isn’t the only thing in April. There’s also taxes, which hopefully you’ve filed by now, but would probably have enjoyed more if you could use my Updated Tax Regulations for 2020.

On the gaming front I’m more than halfway through Mass Effect Andromeda, but between graphic novels and writing poems, didn’t get tons of videogaming in for April. Still plenty of boardgaming though, and I have up a review of Pandemic: Season 2. Also got in a game of Age of Empires III, one of my all-time favorite worker placement games.

Anyway, here’s Wonderwall a poem:

“Tyranny of Manners”

Machines still have some learning to do
In spite of numerous advances over the past few decades
Algorithms that scan and filter text on the Internet
Are much less good at detecting what you are saying
Than detecting how you are saying it
And many of the people running big websites on the Internet
Are no better than machines
Which is why you can get away with saying
“Pardon me, I believe it evident
That your race and/or religion
Is genetically, intellectually, physically, and morally inferior
And members thereof should be expelled or exterminated
Or at the very least denied the rights my race/religion receives”
But if you reply
(As one naturally might)
with
“Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit”
Then your account may be warned and/or suspended
While the person to whom you are replying receives no such admonition
Which goes to prove
In spite of numerous advances over the past few decades
People still have some learning to do

Technically speaking, my newest book won’t be released until this summer (he said, early in 2018). But because we are always living in the future these days, I figured I might as well add it to this page now. After all, it already has an Amazon page, and as we all know, if it exists on the Internet it must be real.

As someone who plays so many modern boardgames on a regular basis, it is perhaps a bit surprising that my first published gaming book is about a classic game like Mahjong, rather than more recent Eurogames like Dominion or Puerto Rico. Well, don’t worry, I’m already working on another gaming book focusing more on Eurogames. (And do not yet have an agent or publisher for it, so if you know anyone who would be a good fit, let me know!) Meanwhile, however, I am excited to finally have published a gaming book. I humbly present to you The Little Book of Mahjong.

One advantage of focusing on a single game instead of many is that I had plenty of space to really dig into everything you need to know about Mahjong. There is a history and origins of Mahjong, comprehensive rules for both International and American Mahjong, in-depth strategies for International and American Mahjong, variants played around the world, advice for finding a game… basically everything you need to know about Mahjong but were afraid to ask. So, don’t be afraid. Heck, you don’t even need to ask, you can just clicky on the book and go to the Amazon page — I hope you enjoy it.

(This is my attempt to publish a post in the past and see what happens; let’s find out!)

I’m having a great day. And although I am fortunate enough to have a life I enjoy most days, usually I’d say my days are good but not great. But if there’s one thing that really makes me happy, it’s doing creative work for a purpose beyond my own enjoyment. One way this happens is if the purpose is to make me money — as a freelancer, by far my favorite jobs are the ones where I can make use of my very particular set of skills.* I am seeking new clients so if you need anything written or edited please do let me know, but I am always happiest when I am being paid to write funny.

But the other thing that really amps up the value of creative writing for me is doing it with another artistically talented friend. This month has now brought me two collaborations in the works, the second of which involved someone I hadn’t spoken to in six years contacting me this week to suggest a collaboration, and today I sketched out a possibility for a first verse and chorus. And it has put me in an excellent mood.
And hopefully sometime in the next few months I will have a rap song to share with you.

I needed the mood boost because the Sammus concert I had been looking forward to attending got postponed by snowstorm.** Hopefully it will be rescheduled for next month. Meanwhilst, this coming weekend will certainly boost my mood, because the High Mud Comedy Festival is back in town, this year starring Mike Birbiglia, who I had the pleasure of seeing perform at the DC Improv back in 2001.***

On the gaming front I just finished Mass Effect 3, and have recently returned to Path of Exile after a 3-4 year hiatus. Boardgamewise Codenames continues to be our evening-starter of choice, and I continue to enjoy games like St. Petersburg and Great Western Trail. And I saw Black Panther in theatres, and it was good, and I wrote about it the day before I saw it because I knew you’d want to read about Black Panther (without spoilers)

* “Skills I have acquired over a very long career…”

** At this point we’ve had so many that in my mind it’s basically just one continuous snowstorm dropping 4 feet of snow, which takes a day off every few days so you have time to shovel out the driveway a bit for the next one.

*** Also, I made him a minor character in my novel.

The average frequency, in 2018, of mass shootings and specifically school shootings, respectively.

This is a depressing fact about which I have been sitting and thinking today. Some years ago I wrote and performed a poem about the frequency of mass shootings called Gunmerica, and I am always disappointed that it remains so relevant.

It’s hard sometimes for me not to be a hypocrite, since I’ve often complained to others that comparing two issues is not helpful, and each issue should be evaluated on its own merits. And yet, faced with such disparate responses from our government on the issues of guns (cause many deaths on a daily basis, yet still sacrosanct and can’t be regulated) and immigrants (who cause very few deaths and are the basis of our country, yet so many resources are devoted to keeping them out or removing them), it is hard not to draw comparisons. Likewise the spending priorities for trillion-dollar tax cuts for the wealthy (deficit funded, no problem!) and survival-level benefits for those in need (Medicare cuts, SNAP cuts, etc.).

But I know you don’t read this for politics.* So on the game front, I will say that we started Pandemic Legacy: Season 2, and it is quite difficult indeed. It may be more difficult on every axis — character powers are weaker, not all cities take four draws to outbreak, cities have multiple copies of their card in the infection deck, etc., etc. Plus with so many different rules from Pandemic, the lack of familiarity is a difficulty as well.  Videogame-wise I’ve been playing Dark Messiah of Might & Magic, which has some entertaining deaths, but is annoyingly on rails**.

Yesterday was my least-favorite holiday, but at least it gave me occasion to write some entertaining Valentine’s Day poems.

*you read it for the footnotes.***

***not that one, obviously, but the potential for other footnotes, which you have not yet read, but you hope may one day appear like a beam of light from heaven, only in a less potentially-apocalyptic fashion, and make you feel that reading the footnotes has finally been worth it, as if they were carefully crafted with awe and purpose, and not just typed up as a bucket of blather because the author once read Infinite Jest over a summer and ever since has made the mistake of associating preposterously long footnotes with some sort of intelligence and/or humor, two qualities the author wishes to appear to possess, although if he was so smart, he wouldn’t talk about himself in the third person.

I guess three weeks in is a little late to be happy new yearing. But hey, it’s January, and we’re still alive, so that deserves some sort of celebration. Apparently the local Big Y now carries octopus (!!!), so that’s a way I’ll be celebrating tomorrow night.

On the game front, my group finally finished Pandemic Legacy: Season 1, for which you can read my spoiler-free review to see why I enjoyed it more than I expected. The Legacy game thing intrigues me, for sure, and I’m curious to try more… we’ll see if Gloomhaven crosses my path. In Videogame-world I’ve started playing Mass Effect 2, long overdue since I loved original Mass Effect, but my old computer wouldn’t run the sequel. I’ve also started in on Headlander, a delightful retro-futurist metroidvania from Double Fine.

New England weather continues being its wacky self. Earlier this month we had temperatures down to -17, then it was up to 40, then down towards freezing again. I’m just glad that when the 10 inches of snowstorm fell, I was able to pay the local plow guy. Here’s hoping for a warmer weekend.

I think it’s been a rough year for many people. But I’m trying to take refuge in the many good things (and good people) in my life, and continue to enjoy things as much as possible. Gaming continues apace, and although I haven’t put a review up for it yet, Pandemic: Legacy S1 continues as well. Lately I’ve been playing more videogames, especially thanks to being gifted Trails in the Sky, a classic-console-style jRPG that has served as comfort food during this cold time.

Food has also served as comfort food, as my health has improved enough that I’m eating with slightly more variety again, and certainly enjoying our local sushi joint’s weekly half-price special. And of course my annual gathers with friends keep me comforted, from the just-completed Heathen Hullabaloo at the Oriental Buffet, to the rapidly-impending New Years festivities.

I am still trying to stay healthy, as you can see from my vaguely accurate “Diary for Holiday Heath”*  And while I am aware that there is now some dispute about whether any instructions were given against using 7 certain words, I did not possess that information at the time I wrote my most recent column, “7 Christmas Carols for the CDC”, which I hope you will enjoy in the holiday spirit, and I bid you all the best for the coming year — let’s make it a better one.

*“Don’t you mean ‘health’?”  “Nope, it’s the holidays, so there’s noel.”

November is the time of year when we are reminded to be thankful; the rest of the year is when we ought to be but aren’t reminded. Nonetheless, this month I find myself with more to be thankful to*. First off, someone finally bought my old house, and while I could complain about price or process, the fact is that not owning an abandoned house for another winter is a tremendous amount of mental strain I can now avoid, so I’m quite glad that’s done. My only big issue remaining is a health one, which I thank my loved ones for supporting me through, and hope to be healthy again in the not too distant future. After I get that resolved, I’ll just have the same problems as everyone else in this crazy country.

It’s also been a good month for appreciation of my work. One of the things about being a writer is that you never know if anyone’s reading or enjoying you, but whether it’s someone letting me know they enjoy my raps in the comments, or someone mentioning at a poetry reading that they enjoy my columns, I thank the people who give me feedback on my work.

Boardgame-wise, I have a review up for Concordia, and I’ve just started a campaign of Pandemic Legacy Season 1 with a few of the folks from my weekly game night, so I’ll probably review that once we’re done. And I thank them for providing a nice welcoming place for me to game on a regular basis.

*I’ve always preferred “thankful to” rather than “thankful for”, because thanking is an active verb that takes a direct object. Don’t be thankful FOR your relationship, be thankful TO your partner since they’re directly responsible for your great** relationship.

**If your relationship is very far from great, remember that it is not mandatory.

Well, the world is filled with terrible things lately, which certainly are more terrible than my own personal terrible things, which in turn have nonetheless been sufficient to keep me from posting for a while. I do have a newish boardgame review up for the highly streamlined Caverna Cave vs. Cave, and here’s a recent column you might enjoy in honor of the late Andy Rooney.

I’ve been doing a few freestyle rap performances at the monthly Downstreet Art festival in town, with my final one coming at the end of this month. Meanwhilst, here is a poem I performed at an open mic tonight, which seems relevant given the numerous hurricanes, fires, and other natural disasters currently underway:

“Everything Happens For A Reason”

That’s what they say
when tragedy strikes
When faced with horrors the likes
of which you’ve never seen
They will try to stay serene
and utter this atrocious treason:
“Everything happens for a reason.”

Pray tell then,
What reason requires the suffering of old men?
What reason requires dead bodies piled in stacks
from natural disasters and terrorist attacks?
What reason requires that a five-year old girl get cancer?
I’m pretty sure your answer
Involves something like “God has a plan”,

But, man,
In that case one of two things must be true:

1) You’ve got an omnipotent deity who
Only helps his flock, while other people feel his wrath.
Which, although biblically supported, makes him sound like a sociopath.

or 2) God had some sort of higher plan we cannot intuit
And giving cancer to a five-year-old girl was the easiest way to do it,
But an omnipotent god really ought to be able to do better.

Either way, please unsubscribe me from your newsletter,
Or at least, next time a tragedy chances to occur,
Please keep in mind that some of us prefer
To accept that some things happen with no reason provided,
Rather than be told, “This girl died because a malevolent deity decided.”

I am pleased to report that Punslingers – the new musical I co-wrote with Sam Hammersley for this year’s Orlando Fringe Festival – received numerous awards including Patron’s Pick and Best Original Lyrics/Book. It was a pretty spectacular show, and I hope it might yet go further one day.

While Sam raps fairly frequently around Orlando, I rarely have rap engagements around here, which is why I am excited that I have been booked for this year’s Downstreet Art Festival in North Adams. If you’re around on the last Thursday of a summer month, pop over to Main Street and catch me doing a half-hour of freestyle rap.

Meanwhile, in what I can only call a completely unintentional theme, both of my columns this month ended up being about Ancient Rome. The first was my response to a thousand articles blaming Millenials for the demise of everything, and was titled “The Problem With Centurions“. More recently, you may have heard about the production of Julius Caesar that featured a Trump-like figure, and the surrounding controversy. My own response was a Shakespearean monologue which starts with the classic three words: “Friends, Romans, Countrymen“.

Also, sushi remains delicious, and half-price sushi doubly so.