The Pun Also Rises

"May The Farce Be With You"

    I can whistle like R2D2. And while occasionally amusing, this is not high on the list of useful "Star Wars" powers. I can't lift giant boulders, choke people with my mind, or be an acrobatic green midget swordfighter. However, last week, I did feel a disturbance in the Force. And I think I've figured out why.

    I fear that humor is under attack. An Empire of seriousness is always attempting to quash the Rebel Alliance of humor, because they fear it. Why would a mighty Empire that ruled a country be afraid of a few rebel humorists? Well, because if the ruling authorities are the Death Star (and the current administration certainly is), humor is the detailed 3-D set of blueprints that points out the huge glaring weakness. And anyone serving the Empire hates when you laugh at their weakness instead of believing in their ridiculous rules, which is why Darth Bush is often quoted as saying to Admiral O'Neill, "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

    Why is all this on my mind now? It's because I'll be taking a trip very shortly, a trip that requires getting on an airplane and going through an airport (albeit not in that order). And airports have become a very dangerous place for humorists. Perhaps the most dangerous place, now.

    I used to think that funerals were the worst place for humorists, because jokes were so unappreciated. New Orleans does it right, because they try to put the FUN in FUNeral. But if you're smiling and laughing at a funeral anywhere else, people tend to glare at you. Any jokes you think of are even funnier because you're not supposed to laugh, but you have to stifle it anyway. You're just supposed to show up and be sad, not so sad as to bring other people down, but sad enough. The whole thing is very morose, which is why I've never liked funerals. I guess I'm just not a mourning person.

    Anyway, before my point gets buried, let me reiterate that airports have become the most dangerous place in the world for humorists. I can feel myself tensing up now even thinking about it, and I know it will be worse when I walk through those doors. My mind is like a bomb just waiting to go off, quietly ticking down until I make some inappropriate comment that will cause me to be stopped, stripped, and strapped.

    Actually, that metaphor itself would probably get me stopped and searched at the airport. But that's the problem -- I really can't help the fact that my mind is going to create bad metaphors and awful puns. Humorists work with whatever is around them, so when you're surrounded by a bunch of people and machines all thinking "Bombs and terrorists, gotta find the bombs and terrorists," you end up thinking about bombs and terrorists.

    If I'd gone to the wrong gate because I misread my flight number, I might call myself an errorist. If I saw Jack Nicholson at the airport, my first impulse would be to yell out, "Hi, Jack! Hi, Jack!" Either of these things could get you in trouble.

    But you don't even have to talk about bombs and terrorists to cause yourself problems. You can try Jedi powers on the airport personnel. When the TSA official asks for your license, wave your hand and say, "You don't need to see my identification." You will find that they are not only immune to your mind tricks, but to humor as well.

    Still, the humor burns inside me. When the screeners ask if my luggage has left my sight since I packed it, I desperately want to reply, "No, instead of sleeping I stayed up all night long to watch my luggage vigilantly, took it with me into the shower in the morning, and traveled all the way to the airport with my luggage on the dashboard instead of in the trunk so I could keep my eyes on it."

    But I want to get on my flight, so I simply answer, "No." And then I hand them my bags, walk away, and whistle like R2D2.

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    Seth Brown is a local writer and part of the Rebel Humor Alliance. He appears frequently in the Washington Post's Style Invitational, infrequently in various other publications, and once in book form -- in his first book 'Think You're The Only One?', published by Barnes & Noble. His Web site is www.RisingPun.com

All work on this page is copyright Seth Brown. If you are sharing it, please give attribution. If you want to reprint it, please contact me first.