The Pun Also Rises(as seen in the North Adams Transcript)
"How's It Goin'?"
Last weekend was my college reunion. (Which sounds like it's the college having a reunion. I can imagine all the schools I attended, each driving up to chat amongst themselves about the good times when I was at them.) Anyway, reunions are delightful occasions to catch up with all the people from college that you didn't care enough about to stay in touch with. Somewhere on the spectrum between people that you never met and people you're actually close with, lies the Howsitgoins. The Howsitgoins have friendly-looking faces. In fact, their faces even look familiar, because you've met them a few times before, and you vaguely remember them from college. However, there are a few things you don't remember. You don't remember whether they had a class with you. You don't remember where they are living now. And there is one more crucial piece of information you don't remember: Their name. Nonetheless, this doesn't stop you from greeting them in the time-honored traditional way: "How's it goin'?" This gives them the opening to tell you where they are living now, who they married, and whether they saw that your mutual classmate was arrested for pornography charges. Unfortunately, they don't fill you in on their name. "I'm living in North Adams now," is a reasonable thing to say to a classmate. "I, Seth, am doing fine," is somewhat less so. Especially if their fiance's last name is Fine. Still, a reunion wouldn't be the same without the Howsitgoins. Most of us don't know enough people that we can fill a college campus with close friends, and a campus filled with strangers just isn't as welcoming. There is a bizarre sort of pleasure one gets from seeing people one vaguely remembers, and chatting for roughly 3 minutes. Any longer than 3 minutes, though, and a little awkwardness starts to hang in the air. Even with people whose names you remembered. Although you vaguely know them, and they vaguely know you, both members of the conversation have other people on campus to whom they might rather be talking. And once you've each mentioned your current most basic state of affairs (Alive, living in Fresno, selling used sheep), there is little else to do but stare. Close friends are a different matter. You don't ask your close friends Howsitgoin, because you already know how it was going. So you have to get a little bit more specific, and ask them, "What's new?" In effect, you are informing them that as a close friend, you are already up on the mundane details of their life in general, but want exciting information that may have recently arisen. Last weekend, I said to two friends of mine, "So, what's new?" They looked at their 3-week old baby, which they had brought along, and then looked pointedly at me. I said, "Well, besides that." I suppose a 3-week old baby counts as something new and interesting, but I felt I had much more exciting news -- I had recently acquired a new computer! A mutual friend seemed shocked that I would compare a baby to a computer given the difference in importance in one's life. And while I agree that obviously a baby can't measure up to a computer, there are some similarities. Babies and computers are both deceptively complex systems. They seem smooth on the outside, but the inside is a complicated array of moving parts that should only be messed with by professionals. Computers have a tendency to produce unhelpful error messages that tell you something has gone wrong, but don't tell you what it is or how to fix it. Babies have crying. In spite of your best efforts to input the correct programs or foods, the output often stinks. Computers are generally replaced and upgraded every five years, whereas doing so with babies is frowned upon. Both sometimes seem to simulate rational thought, but I feel that neither are quite at the level of personhood. Still, there are some computer programs that can simulate human conversation well enough to fool people. And some babies do seem very person-like, such as the one in front of me. I figured it was worth testing. I looked right into the baby's eyes, and I said to him: "How's it goin'?" And frankly, I don't think he even remembered my name. ___________________________________ All work on this page is copyright Seth Brown. If you are sharing it, please give attribution. If you want to reprint it, please contact me first. |