The Pun Also Rises(as seen in the North Adams Transcript)
"Stamp of Disapproval"When people ask me how to succeed in the world today, I tell them this: "Mmmm mooft mmmpmmmm foom kmmmmkoomfmmmm." Then when they stare at me for a while, I finish chewing and repeat, "The most important thing is communication." While each generation may have their own way of communicating, these ways are added to the old ways, rather than replacing them. What began with postal letters has been joined by the telephone, email, and finally text messaging, so people can instantly relay messages of vital importance such as "U R kool LOL! L8r." These days I communicate mostly with email, but I still I remember the time when most of my communication was through written letters, which is why I was saddened to learn that the postage rate is scheduled to be raised once again in May. Two more cents will bring the new price to forty-one cents per stamp. It's those little annoyances that push people over the edge and make them go postal. The increased cost itself isn't the issue. After all, people are constantly talking about how they want to put their two cents in. Or give someone a penny for their thoughts, twice. Nobody would care about a raise of two cents an hour, and very few people send a letter every hour. But across the country, after the changeover occurs, millions of people will have a handful of thirty-nine cent stamps that they don't know what to do with. I know this because I was cleaning out my room last week, and found a pile of thirty-three cent stamps. I had bought them years ago, but when the stamp price rose to thirty-seven, I stopped using them. Two dollars and sixty-four cents, wasted on stamps I never used. In a reversal of fate, the post office's stamps had *me* licked. Sure, I could have added a few one-cent stamps and still used my old stamps to send letters. But one-cent stamps are an abomination. The time and effort it takes to lick and attach them is worth more than a penny. In fact, the time and materials it takes to produce them is also worth more than a penny. Thus it could be argued that every interaction we have with a one-cent stamp lowers the amount of value in the world. On the bright side, this proves that wealth is not zero-sum in the world. Value is created every time you create something good without destroying resources, and value is lost whenever you touch a one-cent stamp. Then again, that's just my theory. In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that I'm not technically a postage expert. After all, I never got a Post Doc, because I'd heard that philately will get you nowhere. Nonetheless, it seems pretty clear to me that the one-center ought to be stamped out. But how can we do this if the price of stamps keeps rising? Well, for once, the post office had a good idea. They are introducing a "Forever" stamp, which will always be an appropriate stamp to send a first-class letter, no matter how much standard postage may rise. I think this is a wonderful idea. My only fear is that when people already complain about how slow the mail is, do we really want to put a stamp on each envelope that says, "Forever"? For me, it doesn't matter very much. The only reason I write letters now is to try to name my house. I've always been jealous of billionaires who live in houses with names. And while I'm unlikely to be a billionaire any time soon, I can name my house. I try to put my house's name on all my bills, so they come to House of the Rising Pun in addition to my street address. My goal is to train the post office to the point where someone can write me a letter addressed to "House of the Rising Pun, North Adams, MA, 01247", with no street address, and have it still arrive at my door. So far though, there's no proof this has worked. If I want to reliably get mail, it still needs a street address, in addition to what is soon to be a forty-one cent stamp. And I think the moral of this is clear: Mmmm mooft mmmpmmmm foom kmmmmkoomfmmmm. __________________________ All work on this page is copyright Seth Brown. If you are sharing it, please give attribution. If you want to reprint it, please contact me first. |